


Unhinged

by ThatWickedOzian, Tonight714



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Future Fic, POV Multiple, Religious Guilt, Self-Acceptance, Slow Burn, Some Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:33:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28903446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWickedOzian/pseuds/ThatWickedOzian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonight714/pseuds/Tonight714
Summary: Five years have passed since everyone went back to their home state, their old lives. Five years since Toni has heard from Shelby.A wedding brings all the girls back together for a reunion vacation.Toni finally gets to face Shelby, but what if she’s too unhinged for Toni to save her now?
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 106
Kudos: 427





	1. Chapter 1

“Fuck.” Toni threw the embossed pink and gold invitation on the counter hastily, followed by her keys and wallet, only to pick the invitation back up a moment later to scan her eyes over it for the third time.

**_You are invited to the wedding of Fatin Jadmani and Leah Rilke._ **

Toni rips off the same black Vans she has been wearing since high school and kicks them next to the door, slumping off her matching gym bag and tossing it on top. She takes out her phone, listening to it ring four times before an answer on the other end.

Toni hears an audible sigh on the other end of the phone, “Yes, she is invited.” Fatin pauses before continuing, “And before you ask, no, we haven’t heard from her.”

Toni nods her head falteringly. “W-Well, you guys know I’ll be there. Fucking Christ knows I could use a vacation.”

Fatin laughs gently on the other end of the phone, “Rachel called yesterday to let us know she and Nora will be there, but other than that, we haven’t heard from anyone else.” Rachel and Nora are still living in New York. They had patched their bond after leaving the island, and both attended NYU after graduating high school. Rachel was now beginning law school, and Nora had recently accepted a position teaching art at an NYC high school for the next school year.

Toni feels some solace in knowing Rachel and Nora have already RSVP’d. She smiles meekly to herself, thinking of them all being in one place again. She shuffles into her bedroom and places her phone on the dresser, tapping ‘speaker.’ “Good, that’s great. I’m glad they finally figured their shit out.”

Fatin takes a deep breath and contemplates whether now was the time to propose her and Leah’s idea. “Also, speaking of vacations,” Fatin pauses for a second but continues before Toni can interject. “Leah and I have been thinking lately. We aren’t going on our honeymoon right away since Leah has her heart set on Fiji.”

Toni smirks and interrupts. “I see your Gucci ass had no problem rubbing off on her.” Toni continues taking off her shirt, getting ready for her after practice shower.

Fatin rolls her eyes and giggles. “Dude, you have no fucking idea. Anyway, we were thinking, you all are going to be coming out to California for the wedding, and it’s about time the Unsinkable Eight finally get their retreat to Hawaii.”

Toni feels her stomach churn and stops her movements, staring at her phone. “Hawaii... As in… all of us in Hawaii?”

Fatin expects Toni’s hesitation and can practically hear the gears in her head-turning. “I mean, yeah, we were all promised this amazing trip to Hawaii. Yet ended up as some fucked up social experiment on a deserted island with our only souvenirs being our unwavering emotional baggage. I think we all deserve that Hawaiian vacation we were promised."

Toni takes a shaky breath and grips the edge of her dresser, staring at herself briefly in the mirror before looking back down at her phone. “I don’t know, Fatin.”

“Plus, you know, maybe you two can finally have that  _ talk _ .” Fatin softly suggests.

Before Toni can think, she’s pushing off her dresser and counters. “Yeah, well, she’s had five fucking years to do that.”

Fatin stifles her sigh and responds. “Christ Toni, you know as well as the rest of us why she hasn’t called. That doesn’t mean she hasn’t wanted to."

Toni hangs up a couple of minutes later after discussing some of the details around the wedding. Leah and Fatin are having, what they think, is the grand idea of having a beach wedding, considering that’s where they built their friendship turned relationship. Leah saw it as coming “full circle.” Toni thought it was some sort of sick fucking way to come to terms with the demons they all unleashed out in that hell hole. She quickly undresses from the rest of her clothes, longing for the water to wash away her conversation with Fatin. Toni jumps in the shower, turning the water on as hot as possible, hoping to melt away the memories from five years prior.

\---

Besides Martha, Fatin is the only girl from the island Toni keeps in regular contact. After quarantine, the girls were able to say goodbye for all of 30 seconds before they were each loaded onto a charter plane to their respective home state. Toni and Martha bound for Minnesota, Leah and Fatin to California, Nora and Rachel to New York, and Dot and Shelby to Texas. 

Toni returned to Minnesota to finish out her last year of high school and finally age out of the foster care system. After the island, Toni was able to rejoin the school basketball team and received a scholarship to play at the University of Minnesota. Although they never won an NCAA title, she was good enough alone to land a couple of assistant coaching positions at two respected universities. A decision Toni had been contemplating for the last few days. 

Martha has been going on for weeks since her invitation arrived in the mail. How excited she is to have the “Unsinkable Eight” back together. Toni thinks Martha’s idea of what happened on that island is far from reality, but Toni doesn’t want her to remember how miserable it was. Toni had briefed her on Fatin’s idea to go to Hawaii, which only fueled her excitement for the trip.

Martha puts down her fork and looks up at Toni abruptly. The two are enjoying their weekly dinner together as they have since they moved into their apartment together two years prior. Martha decided to attend UMN after Toni received her scholarship. She studied psychology while Toni majored in sports medicine. With their differing plans, they often found it difficult for them to spend actual time together. Thursday nights were always reserved for their weekly dinners to catch up. 

“Do you think we will finally get those drinks in coconuts?” Martha asks excitedly. Probably, a little too cheerfully for Toni.

Toni laughs and rolls her eyes. “Yes, Marty, I’m sure we will be able to find you a drink in a fucking coconut.” Toni looks down and plays with the condensation on the outside of her orange Gatorade bottle.

Martha glances at Toni’s sunken figure, “I have a feeling I am much more excited about this trip than you are.” Toni shrugs, starting to peel the label off the bottle. Martha continues. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe it will be everything we thought it was going to be five years ago. Maybe we will be able to have that retreat we thought we were getting...” Martha drifts off and reaches for Toni’s hand, stilling her movements. “Let’s just give it a shot and see how it goes. If you are miserable, we will be on the first plane home, okay?”

Toni smiles weakly and nods in acknowledgment. “I guess we won’t know until we get there.” 

Toni glances at her watch and takes a deep breath. “I think I’m going to head to bed early tonight.”

Martha gives Toni an understanding nod, and they both say their goodnights after clearing the table.

Toni lay in bed and can’t stop the thoughts that echo in her mind. She looks around her room, looking for something- anything that will occupy its place. Her eyes fall upon the unpacked cardboard boxes in the corner that have been stationary in her bedroom since she and Martha moved. Toni never felt the need or desire to unpack all of her belongings, not that she has many of them anyway. She knows better than to get too attached to one place or one thing. This apartment’s never felt like home to her. Toni had never lived anywhere that felt like ‘home.’ As if she knows what a home is supposed to feel like. 

_ Five years ago _

_ Toni and Shelby have been walking hand in hand through the island’s forest for what felt like forever. Toni was all but dragging Shelby by this point, trying to hide her excited grin.  _

_ “Seriously, Toni, how much further are we going?” Shelby stops walking without letting go of Toni’s hand. Toni stops abruptly and pulls back, falling into Shelby, her open hand on Shelby’s waist for stability. _

_ Toni can’t help but lean in and kiss Shelby softly, smirking into the kiss. She pulls away and moves behind her. “We are almost there.” Toni covers Shelby’s eyes with her hands and starts ushering Shelby forward. _ __

_ Shelby stops again, reaching for Toni behind her nervously. “What are you doing?” _

_ Toni chuckles and is thankful that Shelby can’t see her smile. “I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes." _

_ When Shelby doesn’t move, Toni leans forward, inches from Shelby’s ear, and whispers. “You trust me, right?" _

_ Shelby swallows thickly and nods. “Of course.” She drops her hands and places them over Toni’s, still covering her eyes, not wanting to lose their contact. _

_ A few moments later, Toni stops them. “Are you ready?” _

_ Shelby nods expectantly, and Toni removes her hands from covering Shelby’s eyes. Shelby opens them, and her jaw drops at the sight. In front of them stands what looks like the shelter Toni had dreamed of creating during their shelter building showdown for the Takis.  _

_ Shelby turns to Toni, confused. “When- How did you do this?” Shelby walks toward the shelter to get a better look at it.  _

_ Toni blushes and follows Shelby, taking her hand and pulling her toward her. “I was just thinking, we never did get a shelter built, and it would be nice to have our own little hideout to go to. You know, if you want to." Toni states shyly, avoiding eye contact for a brief moment. _

_ Shelby beams at Toni and cups her face with both hands. “Are you kidding? This is freaking amazing." Shelby leans in and kisses Toni before excitedly turning back to the shelter.  _

_ Shelby admires the shelter; she imagines this is what Toni was going for the first time. There are two large driftwood pieces in the front and back with a long log down the middle on top. It is a modest shelter in size but perfect for just the two of them. There are freshly picked fronds on both sides for the roof, covering the Dawn of Eve blanket that lays underneath perfectly. Shelby is amazed at the effort that Toni has put into building this for them. Shelby chuckles to herself softly but not quiet enough for Toni not to hear.  _

_ “What?” Toni frowns. _

_ Shelby looks back at Toni with a smirk. “So, is this like our first place together?”  _

_ Toni nearly has the wind knocked out of her. “Whoa, whoa Texas, don’t get ahead of yourself here. Isn’t there some type of Jesus rule against moving in before marriage?” _

_ Shelby raises her eyebrow at Toni and retorts, “I think us moving in together is the least of Jesus’ worries. Wouldn’t you agree?" _

_ Toni bursts into a full-blown fit of laughter and nods. “Shit, you’re not kidding about that.” Toni closes the distance between them again, snaking her arm around Shelby’s back, leaning into her.  _

_ “So what do you say we test out our new place?” Toni dives into the shelter, with Shelby following quickly after her. At that moment, Toni knew home wasn’t four walls. She didn’t need a mailbox or a master suite. She could feel at home anywhere with Shelby lying next to her. _


	2. Chapter 2

Shelby steps off the plane at DFW Airport and is immediately met with a wave of people.

The press immediately swarms and forms a tight-knit circle around her. “Ms. Goodkind, can we get a picture?” “How excited are you to be Miss Texas?” 

Shelby flashes them a smile. “I’m sorry, y’all, but I sure need to be going on my way.” She gives a small wave before getting into her waiting valet.

“Good lord, you never do get used to that.” Looking out the window at the crowd, Shelby gives one last wave and her signature smile as the SUV pulls away from the curb and makes its way toward the highway.

Shelby takes out her phone and sees four missed calls and some text messages. She sees Dot’s name. ‘Call me.’ Hesitantly, she taps Dot’s name, waiting for her to answer.

“Hello?” Dot picks up on the other end of the line.

“Hey Dottie, it’s Shelby. You lookin' for me?” Shelby asks as if she doesn’t already know what Dot is calling about.

“I know you got their invitation, but I haven’t heard from you, and neither have they. Just checking in to make sure you’re not getting cold feet from the last time we talked." Dot got the words out, hoping she hadn't changed her mind from the last time they had a brief conversation about Leah and Fatin’s wedding coming up. Dot had already told them months ago that she and Shelby would be there. Shelby assured Dot that she would confirm it with the pair, but they were yet to hear from the girl.

Shelby swallows thickly and takes a deep breath. “I haven’t decided if I’m going yet. I haven’t talked to either of them, any of them, in five years. And the last time we talked, I wasn’t exactly..” Shelby drifts off slightly “...myself.

Dot snickers and counters. “I don’t think any of us were ourselves after being in that hell hole for 12 weeks." Dot pauses then continues, “We have all changed from who we were five years ago. Plus, I think they would all love to meet THE Miss Texas. Congrats, by the way."

Shelby blushes, her lips curling into a small smile. “Thanks, Dottie. I have to talk to my family to see if it’s fine to go away for a couple of days."

Dot stifles a laugh. “Shelby, you were just crowned Miss Texas and are 22 years old; I don’t think you need to ask for anyone’s permission, especially your parents, to go away for a few days.”

Shelby falters slightly, pulling at a thread on the bottom of her hoodie. “I know, Dottie, but you know how these things are in my family. I’ll be missing church and Sunday night dinner. I’ll get back to you about it, just to make sure it’s alright with everyone."

Dot lets out a groan of annoyance and figures she might as well throw the rest of Fatin’s plan out there while she has Shelby on the phone. She wasn’t exactly the easiest to get a hold of these days. “So Fatin also thought it would be a great idea for us all to reconnect and finally get that Hawaii vacation we were all promised. A couple of days after the wedding, they thought all eight of us could get on a plane to spend the week in Hawaii." 

Shelby’s eyes go wide, clenching her jaw, trying to understand precisely what it was that Dot just said. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I don’t think I heard you correctly."

Dot repeated herself much slower this time. “Fatin and Leah thought, since we are all going out to California for the wedding, we will only be a plane ride away to Hawaii. We were all looking forward to that Hawaiian retreat that we never got. It’s been enough time now; we all deserve to go. And what better way for us to spend that settlement than for the eight of us to all go together." 

Shelby lets out the breath of air she hadn’t realized she was holding in, feeling her face get hot. “And y’all think it’s just a grand idea for us to get back on a plane altogether and fly to another island? As if the first time just went so fantastic?”

Dot can feel Shelby getting defensive. A reaction she was anticipating from the pageant queen. “Well, seeing as Gretchen is in jail, I don’t think we have to worry about her pulling any more shit. She and her minions won’t be coming up with another master plan. Come on, Shelby; it could be kick ass.”

Shelby twirls the ring on her finger and looks out the window as they turn onto her street, “I don’t know, Dottie, this- it just doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

Dot nods into the phone. “I figured, but please really think about it. I think it would be good for all of us, but especially for you. You could use a break from, you know, everything." Dot continues and shrugs to herself, “Plus, I already bought your plane ticket and our hotel room.”

“Dot! I have to go; we just pulled into my driveway. Give me a couple of days, and then I’ll let you know.” They hang up the phone, and Shelby opens her car door. She pulls her right leg out, only to bring it back into the car and shut the door.

She knows everyone will be waiting for her to come home. Everyone saw who Shelby had become on the island, but Dot is the only one who saw who she was since she returned home, who she went back to being. Facing her past and what happened on that island was something Shelby hoped she would never have to do again. When she returned, it became the unspoken rule that what happened there was not to be discussed with her family or anyone else for that matter. The thought of reconciling with her past was something she was just not inclined to do.

Shelby takes a deep trembling breath and steps out of the white SUV. The driver removes her bags from the trunk and wheels them up to the door. She thanks and hands him his tip, then turns to open the front door of her house.

“Welcome home!” In the kitchen stood her parents, Dave and JoBeth, and her brother and sister, Spencer and Melody. Shelby shines them all her best Goodkind smile and gives each of them a hug.

Around the corner, leaning on the door frame, he stood. “Congrats, honey” He holds out his hand for Shelby, which she reluctantly takes as he pulls her in for a short kiss.

Shelby looks up at him with a tight lip smile “Thanks, Luke."

Luke peers down at Shelby and wraps his arms around her. “How crazy is it to think I’m getting married to Miss Texas?”

Shelby tries to suppress her wince at his words, smiling weakly. “Who would have thought." She replies.

  
  


_ Five years ago  _

_ After a few weeks of having assigned duties, the girls realized it was easier to put Toni and Shelby on the same task each day to avoid them sneaking off to find each other in the middle of their daily job.  _

_ Today they are searching for kindling and firewood to keep their fire going. The fire can now be used as a signal, purifying the group’s water and heating any food they could get their hands on. Making this task all that more important. Both girls have their drawstring bags on their backs to carry anything they find in their search. They focus on the edges of the beach today, not wanting to venture too far into the forest.  _

_ “Oh, look!” Toni points at a pile of dry brush a few yards away and jogs over to it. She starts sifting through it to find the best pieces and lays out of rest to finish drying for next time. Once the pile of usable pieces is big enough, Toni shrugs off her bag and begins filling it since they had already filled Shelby’s bag along the way.  _

_ “Are you crazy? All those pieces are not going to fit into that small bag.” Shelby states matter of factly. _

_ Toni blushes and peers up at Shelby. “I love when you say that.” _

_ Shelby giggles then smirks, “What? It is crazy.” _

_ Toni rolls her eyes, realizing Shelby was right; there is no way she will fit everything in the bag. “It would appear so.” Toni stands after fitting what she can and looks at Shelby. “I don’t know what it is about that word, but something about it with your accent. It just- sends fucking shivers down my spine." _

_ Shelby eliminates the space between her and Toni and wraps her arms around the girl. She ran her hands along Toni’s back as she rests her forehead against the other girls. “I’ll have to make sure to say it more often then." Shelby squeezes Toni’s hips lightly as pulls her arms back, grasping her right hand with Toni’s left. _

_ Toni leans over and places a kiss on Shelby’s cheek. “You ready to head back? Make sure Fatin hasn’t burned down camp while on fire duty.” _

Shelby pulls herself out of her thoughts, unwraps herself from her fiance's grasp, and swiftly moves to sit next to Melody. 

“So what have y’all been up to since I’ve been gone?” Shelby quickly asks, trying to change the subject.

Spencer cuts in. “I made the varsity basketball team. The first freshman to ever make the team." Dave’s proud smile toward his son doesn’t go unnoticed by Shelby.

“And I’m getting ready for my first big pageant.” Melody chimes in.

Shelby smiles at her sister and reaches over to wrap her in a hug. “Oh my Lord, that is awesome, Mel!” She gets up and walks over to her brother, pulling him into a side hug. “You too, Spence, although I think we all knew you would make it this year with how much work you have been putting into the hoop in the backyard.” Shelby nods to the makeshift basketball court her father had built for Spencer in the backyard. 

Just like pageants with the daughters, Dave Goodkind pushes basketball on his son. He had played in college and expected his son to do the same. Whether Spencer enjoyed the sport was yet to be discussed, but he knew better than questioning his father’s wishes. Even at 22, Shelby still knew better than to question her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning chapters are more of setting the stage for later, they will start to pick up more and more as we go! 
> 
> We still have a few chapters already fully written for this story so we may make another post throughout the week and will definitely have another one out next Friday!
> 
> Let us know what you think/predictions and thank you so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! 
> 
> Here is a short chapter before the next one on Friday!

During the quarantine, time seemed to become non-existent for Toni. She lost track of her days right near the two-week mark, and each day meld into the next. Between the shitty hospital quality food mixed with her never-ending game of trashketball against herself, she stared at the door, hoping, an ounce of hope, that she would walk through the door to visit her. 

_ Five years ago- In Quarantine Day 14 _

_ “What do you mean I can’t see her?” Toni is becoming more combative as the days progress, and no one seems to give her an answer worth listening to. _

_ “Tomorrow, you all will be able to see each other in the meeting room; you will have to wait until then. Get some sleep; tomorrow is a big day for you all.” The detective states before walking out of the room for the night.  _

_ Toni slumps back onto her bed, kicking her trasketball hoop on the way by, paper balls scattering on the sterile tile. ‘What the fuck is even the meeting room anyway.’ Toni thinks.  _

_ Since getting to the bunker, the only places she has seen are her room and the interrogation room. Well, they call it the room where we can ‘free ourselves’, but they all knew that was just another fucking lie.  _

_ Toni leans back in her bed and feels herself drifting off, hoping sleep will overtake her quickly. _

Toni hates to admit that she is getting more excited the closer to the wedding they get. Toni and Martha have been discussing all the things they want to do in Hawaii, between hiking a volcano and swimming with dolphins. Toni couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief, knowing she would be going on a vacation, she needs a break.

The deadline is quickly approaching for Toni to decide which coaching position she should take, and she still has yet to share the news with Martha. The local team she is coaching has the week off, so Toni decides to stop by Martha’s office, coffee in hand, during her lunch break. Toni took a seat in the waiting room, allowing Martha to finish up with her client she is currently seeing. 

After returning from the island, Martha had determined it was time to come clean about Dr. Wolchak and start her healing process. She was finally able to come to terms with the reality of what had happened and gave an honest depiction to the court of her experience. Through her journey, Martha realized her potential to help other children who were victims of sexual abuse and decided that was the career path she wanted to pursue. 

“Toni?” Martha looks at Toni, confused. And motions for her to come back with her.

Toni grabs their coffees off the table in front of her and hurriedly makes her way toward Martha, handing over a coffee on her way by. 

Martha leads Toni to her office and opens the door for her, stepping inside after her. Martha takes a seat across from Toni and asks, “Not that I’m not excited to see you, but what are you doing here?” 

Toni takes a sip of her coffee before placing it in her lap. “My team is on vacation this week, so I thought I would come by and say hi. Check out your upgraded office. It’s huge; you should put some bean bag chairs in the corner. I bet the kids would love it.” Toni points over to the empty space in the corner near the windows.

Martha looks at Toni questioningly. “Again, I love that you stopped by, but why are you here, Toni?”

Martha watches Toni bounce her leg up and down rapidly, barely looking up at her. The last time Toni stopped by to visit Martha, she was still at her old office about a year ago. It was to tell her she had found a stray on the side of the road and was adamant about keeping him. 

_ One Year Ago _

_ “Toni, neither of us have ever owned a dog; what are we going to do with it?” Martha questions.  _

_ Toni snuggles a blonde and white puppy in her arms. He has the face of a coonhound but the fur of a labrador. His fur is mostly blonde, accented with a white diamond on the top of his head, and white paws that look like he dipped them in a white paint can. Martha estimates that he couldn’t weigh more than 15 lbs. _

_ “Marty, look at him. He’s so cute and innocent. He needed to be saved from the big bad streets." Toni pouts while holding the puppy up next to her face. _

_ Martha watches Toni put the puppy down, and it instantly starts rubbing his head on Toni’s leg, trying to get Toni to pick him back up. Toni picks the puppy back up and kisses him on the nose, cuddling him once more. _

_ Martha’s resolve is quickly fading at the sight in front of her. “Fine. But he’s yours. You have to feed him, take him out, take him for walks, pick up after him." _

_ Toni jumps up and down and hugs Martha, the puppy still in her arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re going to love Zeke just as much as I already do!”  _

_ Martha chuckles at the sight in front of her then scrunches her eyebrows. “Zeke? Where did that come from?” _

_ Toni feels her ears getting hot and shrugs it off, “When I looked at him, he just looked like a Zeke.” _

“So I received two job offers, both for college coaching positions.” 

Marth jumps up at Toni’s words, clapping her hands together. “Oh my god, Toni! That’s awesome!” 

Toni looks up at Martha with a glint of sadness. “Neither position is in Minnesota, Marty.”

Martha stares at Toni for a moment before diverting her eyes to the ground, “Oh.” Martha pauses and looks back up at Toni. “So, where are they?”

Toni picks at the cord bracelet on her wrist, not looking back up at Martha. “One is in California.” Toni took a shaky breath and then continues, “The other is in Texas."

Martha’s eyes widen. “Toni... You’re not considering-” 

Before Martha finishes, Toni is already on her feet and in defense mode. “ I didn’t reach out to either of these colleges. They both found ME.” Toni is pacing now, thankful that Martha hadn’t filled the extra space in her office with a pile of bean bag chairs yet.

Martha looks at her best friend and grabs her hands, trying to calm her nerves. “I didn’t mean it like that, but we’ve talked about this-." Toni pulls her hands away from Marty and takes a step back.

“Look, I get that we are in your shrink office, but I’m not one of your fucking cases. I don’t need you to analyze me and get in my head. I need my best friend to help me make a huge decision." Toni can feel herself beginning to fume, she knows what Martha is thinking, but Toni just doesn’t want to hear it. 

Martha feels herself soften at Toni’s words. “That’s not what I was trying to do. As your best friend, I want you to make the best decision for  _ yourself _ .” The truth is, Martha doesn’t want to see Toni hurt again. Toni has come so far from where she was when they returned to Minnesota. She has spent days, weeks, and months waiting for a phone call that never came. Martha was just looking after her best friend.

Toni sinks back into her chair. “I don’t have to decide for another month. I figured we could go to the wedding and see if I like California enough to move there. At least I would have Leah and Fatin there. But also, you know the court case is finally closed, and you are killing it with this whole new saving the world shit.” Toni gestures to Martha’s new space her office was now occupying. “If we both like it out in California, you could come too, finally get away from the Res life.”

Martha’s ears perk up at Toni’s last suggestion. Last year they had discussed whether they wanted to renew their lease. They both have a want for getting out of Minnesota, just to see what else was out there. Neither of them has left the state except for their island adventure. In the , neither of them knew where else to go, so they started planting roots where they were, both of them understanding it was probably only temporary. 

“We are going to the wedding in a couple of weeks, and we can see how it goes. How California is among... Other things...” Toni drifts off.

“Other things meaning a certain someone who just happens to live in the other state of possible future employment?” Martha smirks, questioningly.

“Yes, Marty, other things as in Shelby.” Toni frowns just enough for Martha to catch it. “We will just have to see how everything goes.”

\----- 

Toni and Martha have been making their preparations to leave for two weeks. Tomorrow they are leaving for California for Leah and Fatin’s wedding. ‘Leatin’ as Marty calls them. Martha and Toni were driving up to Blackburn's residence to drop off Zeke while they are away. 

Toni got everything loaded into her truck and ran back into their apartment to get Martha and Zeke. Toni walks into the living room to find Martha. “You ready? Everything is all set and packed up.” 

Martha nods and grabs her jacket off the arm of the chair, and shuffles to the door. Toni grabs Zeke’s leash and calls him to the door, opening it for him to walk outside. Zeke sprints to the truck driver’s side and waits for Toni to reach the driver’s side. Toni opens the door, and Zeke jumps inside the truck and hurries to the back to get in his signature center console surfing position. 

The drive to the Blackburn’s isn’t bad, mostly one long road, but not a lot of scenery to watch. A few minutes into the trip, Toni’s phone begins ringing. Fatin’s name pops up on the screen, and they placed her on speaker. 

“Hey Fatin, we are on our way to drop off Zeke,” Martha said. Toni’s phone was hooked up to the truck’s internal system, allowing both of them to participate in the conversation.

“Holy shit, can you believe I’m getting wifed up in a few days?” Fatin exclaims over the speaker. 

Toni smirks and challenges, “Are you ready to commit to only having sex with one person for the rest of your life?” Everyone knew that Fatin never stuck to one person before the island, but things seemed to change while they were there. We weren’t sure if it was her streak of involuntary celibacy or if Leah was just  _ that _ good, but either way, they seemed to be incredibly happy with one another. 

“She fucking better be!” Leah is heard in the background. 

Martha and Toni both look at each other and burst out into a fit of laughter. 

Toni speaks up once their laughter dies down. “Well, we are flying out tomorrow morning and should land by noon since we will be there a day before everyone else. Do you two want to grab dinner with us tomorrow night?”

Martha and Toni can hear Leah and Fatin conversing on the other end, making sure they did not have any other matters to tend to before the wedding. “Yeah, that sounds great. Does seven work for you guys? We are going to be heading to the hotel tomorrow afternoon in preparation so we can meet you two in the lobby before dinner .” 

Toni turns to Martha to check before responding. Martha nods her approval, “Yeah, that works for us. We are almost at my Mom’s house, so we will text you tomorrow when we land!”

Toni and Martha drop off Zeke and make their way back home. Both Martha and Toni can feel their nerves starting to rise at the anticipation of tomorrow. 

Toni settles in her bed that night, staring up at the ceiling. She reaches down to pet Zeke; only he isn't there. She isn't used to sleeping without him. She sighs deeply and curls up in her comforter, and skews her eyes shut.  _ If you can survive on that island for 12 weeks, then you can survive the next two weeks, _ Toni thinks. She lays there for what felt like hours until her body was finally tired, and she unknowingly falls asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope everyone enjoyed Chapter 3!
> 
> Just a note that the rating will be changing from M to E in chapter 5. We will put a note at the beginning of the chapter. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a closer look into what has been going on with Shelby for the last five years! 
> 
> We are really starting to get into the minds/last five years of Shelby and Toni in these next few chapters.

Shelby had imagined all the ways that things would change when she got back to Texas. In quarantine, she envisioned standing up to her mother and father and telling them how free she felt on the island—telling them that she met the most amazing person who made her feel more like herself than she ever has before. She had intentions to finish out her last year of high school at Fort Travis High, and then she could escape the suffocation that she feels in this state.

Instead, Shelby found herself at a brand new high school, a Christian high school, for her senior year. Still being seventeen, she discovered she was at the mercy of her parents’ wants and decisions. They left no opportunity for negotiation, to plan, or to leave—no room to think about her sins. Certainly, no time to think about Toni.

  
  


_ 4.5 Years Ago- Senior year after the island _

_ Shelby takes a seat in the back, flattens out her school uniform skirt, and puts her head down on the desk, wishing the day was already over.  _

_ It is her first day of classes at her new school.  _

_ Suddenly, she feels the air change and lifts her head off the desk to peer next to her. She sees a tall boy that she would even call handsome. _

_ “You must be new here,” The boy states as he took a seat next to Shelby, extending his arm to shake her hand. “My name is Luke.” _

_ Shelby looks around the room quickly. “Uh, hi? What are you, like the welcoming committee?” She scoffs quietly and puts her head back down on the desk. _

_ Luke chuckles. “No, but I’ve never seen you around here. It’s a pretty small school; everyone knows everyone. I thought you could use a friend.”  _

_ Shelby almost snaps back but bites her tongue at the last second, lifting her head to get a better look at Luke.  _

_ She estimates him to be about 6 feet tall, athletically built with blonde hair and blue eyes.  _

_ The perfect Texan that not even Dave and JoBeth Goodkind could dream up for their eldest daughter. The ideal boy that could convince her parents that she was still their little girl inside. _

_ Shelby sits up straighter and reaches out her hand to shake Luke’s. “I’m Shelby Goodkind, quite a pleasure to meet you.” _

To say that things had been tense at the Goodkind household after Shelby returned would be an understatement. Dave and JoBeth had strategically filled Shelby’s calendar, making sure every minute of every day was accounted for, forcing Shelby to fall into the same role as before she left for the island. 

Upon picking up Shelby at the airport, the Goodkind’s were taken back by Shelby’s hair or lack thereof. Dave sent JoBeth that same day to find the best blonde wig money could buy them. 

“That is no hairstyle for a pageant queen,” Shelby remembered hearing her father whisper to his wife.  _ Fuck _ , she thought. 

Shelby had lost her phone in the “plane crash” and had no means of communicating with any of the girls from the island. And Shelby quickly realized that her parents had zero intentions of replacing it anytime soon, along with her laptop they had confiscated “until we see the progress.” Whatever that meant. 

The further the year progressed, the less hope she had for escaping. Shelby could feel herself falling deeper and deeper into the southern belle lifestyle she resents so much. That she so desperately tried to leave back on the island. As Shelby fell back into her role, though, she could feel her parents letting loose the reins little by little. After a while, she was no longer playing a role, being her old Christian self was becoming to feel like who she was again.

After graduation, Luke fulfilled his parents’ wishes and attended Baylor University, his father’s college of choice. Since Luke’s parents were footing the bill, they were adamant he attend a Christian university. He studied biology with a pre-med track in hopes of becoming an orthopedic surgeon in the future. Shelby enrolled at a local college, allowing her to live at home. In her mind, she thought this was the best of both worlds where she could continue her education and also continue to compete in pageants. Luke would make the 90-minute trip every other weekend to spend time with his family and Shelby, without completely giving up his college experience.

Not long after Shelby turned 19, her parents finally decided to schedule her implant surgery to replace her flipper. Dave saw the progress Shelby had made since her return to Texas and thought it was time to reward her for her “continued commitment to God”. Shelby had continued with her pageants, all while maintaining a 3.9 GPA in college. Most importantly, Shelby was still dating Luke, a boy her parents realized would be the perfect husband for their daughter.

_ 2 Years Ago _

_ Shelby’s church holds a semi-annual congregational potluck lunch after their Sunday service. This year it fell on one of Luke’s weekends home, and he brought his parents to attend the service/potluck with the Goodkind family. Shelby’s parents are thrilled to show off Shelby’s boyfriend for all their church friends. Shelby can barely contain her eye rolls. She keeps her Texan pageant smile plastered to her face whenever someone compliments how good she looks on his arm.  _

_ Overwhelmed with the attention, Shelby insists they grab their food and take a seat at a table in the back. It is times like this that Shelby is thankful she no longer has her flipper and won’t have to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. But even without the flipper, Shelby feels like she is in the spotlight, continually catching sideways glances from their families. Luke excused himself a bit ago, but she doesn’t care that he left. She needs a breather from all the attention anyway. It isn’t until Dave Goodkind taps into the microphone that she notices he is next to him.  _

_ “How’s everyone enjoying the food?” Dave asks. The whole congregation whoops and hollers. “I’m glad to hear it! I have a young gentleman up here who would like to say something. Luke?”  _

_ Dave hands Luke the microphone, and Shelby freezes in her chair. ‘Oh no. Oh Lord, please, no…’  _

_ Luke clears his throat, clearly nervous before speaking, “Hello everyone. First off, I want to thank y’all for letting me join in on y’all’s potluck! It’s been so nice getting to meet y’all and enjoy God’s many blessings together. Some of y’all may know that Shelby and I have been going with each other for quite a while now and I think now is as good a time as ever to take the next step in our relationship.” _

_ Luke starts making his way over to where Shelby and her family are seated. Shelby hasn’t moved, hasn’t breathed, since she saw him up there. She knew what was about to happen and has been dreading this moment ever since she met Luke 2.5 years prior.  _

_ Luke stops in front of Shelby, gets down on one knee, and pulls a ring from his coat pocket, “Shelby Goodkind, will you marry me?” _

_ Shelby can feel all eyes are on her. ‘No.’ She thought. She wants to run, as far away as possible. ‘Why here, why now? Why in front of all these people?’ She knew why. And she hated it. So, of course, “Yes!” _

“So, Shelbs, you’re heading to California in a few days, right?” Dave Goodkind asks his daughter. 

They are sitting down for their ritual Sunday family dinner. Dave is sitting at the head of the table with JoBeth opposite him, Melody and Spencer took their usual seats on the bench along the back windows and Shelby, and Luke sat in the chairs opposite to them. Sunday dinners are something the Goodkind’s have done since before the kids were born. It was something Dave did with his family that he carried on with his own children. Shelby hated them for as long as she could remember. Just another time for her to have to force a smile and pretend she loves all of the “rituals” her family dictated. 

Shelby nods, “Yup, I leave in two days. I’m pretty excited to see everyone; actually, I haven’t been on an actual vacation since the..” Shelby chooses her words carefully ”..retreat.” 

Talking about her time on the island is always a sensitive topic for Shelby, especially when discussing it with her family. There are so many things that she had longed to tell them when she first got back home. She had  _ very _ different plans for herself five years after leaving the island, and none of them included inhospitable Sunday night dinners and still living under her parent’s roof. 

JoBeth stands up from the table to retrieve the chocolate pie off the counter for dessert. She serves everyone a slice and retakes her seat opposite of Dave. “What is it you said you are going to Los Angeles for?” 

“Uh, one of the girls from the pageant circuit is getting married to her high school sweetheart. They wanted to get married on the beach, so they thought, what better place to do it than California?” Shelby attempts to keep her response short and believable.

Dave’s ears perk up at her mention of the wedding. “A wedding, huh? Maybe soon, this family will start planning a wedding of our own, yeah?”

Shelby instantly feels the tension building in the room. Moving around the pie crust on her plate, she utters. “I’ve been thinking, and it’s time Luke and I start planning our wedding.” She rests her fork on her perfectly folded napkin and grabs his hand that is resting on the table, swallowing thickly before continuing. “When I return, we can set a date and find a venue, and then we can really get our life together started.” 

She thinks she is much smoother than she is. Luke had proposed two years prior, and Shelby has shown zero interest in setting a date for their wedding. In fact, she’s shown no disposition of ever wanting to progress their relationship, having rejected when he presented the idea for them to move in together before they got married. Luke hoped for the move to ease her into the idea of finally getting started on their planning. Every time he attempted to bring up the topic Shelby promptly dismissed his attempts, unrelentingly minimizing her desires to get married. 

Luke glances at their hands and then up at Shelby, searching her eyes for any doubt. This is definitely not the time to have this conversation, he thought. Luke gives Shelby a tight lipped smile. “Yeah, that sounds great, babe. Once you come home, we can start looking and set a date.”

The rest of dinner continues uneventfully, thanks to Spencer talking about his first varsity basketball game of the season coming up. He’s starting point guard, and she can practically feel the pride radiating off her father. Luke is getting ready to head back home and asks to excuse himself and Shelby from the table so they can say their goodbyes. 

The couple finds themselves on her parents’ front porch, standing across from one another with an awkward excess amount of space between them. Luke points backward with his thumb. “Do you want to go for a drive real quick? Since you will be heading out of town for a bit?”

Shelby nods and follows him to his car, getting in the passenger seat next to her fiance. The engine turns over, and they pull out of the driveway. 

Luke peers at Shelby through the corner of his eye and sighs, “So do you wanna tell me the real reason you’re flying out to California?” 

Shelby feels her eyes go wide for a second before clearing her throat. “I just told y’all I’m going to a wedding out in LA.”

Luke laughs softly and elaborates, “You know you always give yourself away with your eyes. Whenever you feel stressed or uncertain, you always look up to the left as if you are going to find the words to say.” 

Shelby scoffs. “I am not that easy to read. I told y’all, I’m just going to a wedding and hanging out with some friends I haven’t seen in a while since I will be out there already.”

Luke nods and pulls into the parking lot of a local youth baseball field. He cuts the engine and turns to Shelby. “I know we’ve never really talked about the whole ‘retreat’ you went on or whatever it actually was, but you get weird any time it’s brought up. I mean, we all have smartphones now. You and I both know it was no retreat as your parents make it out to have been.”

Luke peeks over at Shelby, trying to find any hint of acknowledgment that she is listening. He had done his own research not long after they met and knew that Shelby’s ‘retreat’ was her being stuck on a deserted island for 12 weeks with seven other girls. He can only imagine what she could have done for her parents to put her through that and then send her to a new high school for her senior year.

He places a hand on her leg; she looks up at him. “What I’m trying to say is all I know is you went away one summer and then somehow ended up spending your senior year at Trinity. We met, and the rest has been history with you and me.”

Shelby swallows the lump in her throat that she hadn’t realized formed. Her eyes flicker to the neon digital clock and back at Luke. “I should really be getting home.”

Luke chuckles, “What are you so afraid of? You’re 22, Shelby. You’ve graduated college; you’re fucking Miss Texas for crying out loud. You shouldn’t be answering to anyone except yourself anymore.”

He gazes sympathetically as Shelby winces at his words. “You’re not the first person to tell me that…” She says weakly. 

_ Five Year Ago- Day 16 _

_ Shelby sits on the beach watching as the rest of the girls celebrate the near end of their time on the island. Toni and Martha are conversing down by the water, peeking back at Shelby every once in a while. Shelby’s skin is crawling as she takes another gulp of Jeanette’s vodka. No amount seems to be enough to mitigate the animosity she is battling against herself. Martha got up to walk back to camp, leaving Shelby the opportunity to set the record straight with Toni. She needs answers.  _

_ Shelby shakily struts over to Toni and sits down next to her. “Hey, what are you um… What are you doing over here?” Shelby points to Toni’s hands, which are collecting sand in one of the aluminum cans they had salvaged from the crash. _

_ Toni hesitantly looks at Shelby and then back at the ocean. “Just collecting some sand. I kind of felt like I should take a part of this place back with me. Not sure why.” _

_ “Well, that makes two of us. Zero clue why you would want any souvenir from this godforsaken place.” Shelby quips.  _

_ Toni is done with Shelby’s drunk antics very quickly. “What do you want, Shelby?” _

_ Shelby stares at Toni, “What do you mean what do I want? _

_ “Okay, you avoided me all day, and now you’re hovering. I can’t really figure out what you’re doing, apart from getting hammered, so you probably should just tell me.” _

_ Shelby replies hastily, “What I want is to know exactly what you and Martha were talking about.” _

_ Toni is thoroughly confused by this point. “Um, well, she’s ripped out of her skull right now, so food or maybe the cloud that she thought looked like her uncle.” _

_ Shelby can feel herself losing all sense of rationality, words bubbling out without a second thought. “You-- you told her, didn’t you?” Toni doesn’t know what to say. Told her what? That your teeth are genetic? “You told her about-- about the whole…” Toni got lost in Shelby’s erratic movements, and before she can respond, Shelby continues a little louder, “Did you tell her?!”  _

_ It finally clicks. “No! Fuck, I would never.” Toni breathes. _

_ Shelby stares at the ground, running her hand through the sand. “Okay, ‘cause you’re that ashamed?” _

_ Toni can’t contain the slight snicker that escapes her mouth. “No, you are obviously the one with the shame. Okay?”  _

_ Shelby looks up from the sand, looking around anxiously before landing her eyes directly on Toni’s. “I’m not gonna lecture you on how or why or how fast you should figure things out for yourself, but you know, all your hateful church shit is not gonna help you figure out who you a--.” _

_ Shelby can feel herself losing her internal battle and reaches out to grab Toni, willing to do anything to get her just to stop talking. “I know exactly who I am. I cannot wait to get home and get back to her.” Shelby pushes off Toni and stalks off back to camp, no need to look back. _

Luke shifts, turning his whole body to face Shelby, pulling his right leg up onto the seat. He takes her left hand in both of his, effectively snapping her out of her thoughts. “Look, all I’m saying is we both know you left a part of yourself on that island. Maybe the freedom from this trip will help you find some clarity. For you to figure things out for yourself.”

Luke knew when he proposed two years ago that Shelby wasn’t ready for marriage. Shelby has always been reserved in their relationship. He hoped by now she would be more comfortable with the idea of taking the next step and can’t help but feel like other factors are standing in the way of their progression. 

Luke lets go of Shelby’s hands and starts his truck back up, pausing after putting the truck in reverse. “When you come home, we can revisit the wedding planning. All I ask while you are out there is to figure out if this is what  _ you _ really want.” Shelby nods her head, fidgeting with the locket around her neck and turns to stare back out the window. Luke continues backing out of the lot and drives Shelby back home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Any comments, feedback, and/or predictions are much appreciated!
> 
> Have a great weekend everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up- This chapter changes the rating from M to E at the end!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Toni and Martha land at LAX at 11:00 am after a 30-minute flight delay from Minnesota. Toni would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous every time she boarded a flight since the island. Although they now know that the crash didn’t happen, the notion that none of them remember how they got from the plane to the water or island is still difficult for her to reconcile with. 

Martha skips out the gate and down the terminal, pulling Toni in tow. “Can you believe we are in California?! Nevermind, can you believe Leah and Fatin are getting MARRIED?”

“Leah yes, Fatin no. But I don’t think Fatin had much of a choice in the matter.” Toni shrugs and checks out her surroundings. She is already starting to feel overwhelmed with the increased amount of people around them—something neither of them is used to from all their years in Minnesota. 

Martha seems unaware of Toni’s apprehensiveness. Running to the wall of windows, she admires, mouth agape at the hustle and bustle outside. “This is so cool, Toni look!” Martha is pointing to a giant palm tree outside. 

Martha can’t contain her excitement, which only spurs Toni’s anxiety. Martha has been looking forward to this week. As much as Toni knows she needs a break from her mundane life in Minnesota, she isn’t sure this was the best way to break her out of her routines. 

In truth, Toni is very excited to see the girls again. As their time on the island progressed, aside from Shelby, Fatin was the only other girl Toni had really connected with. Fatin’s crude humor and bluntness provided a safe space for Toni to have someone to confide in. 

  
  


_ Five Years Ago- Day 25 _

_ Fatin plops down next to Toni, sitting on a driftwood piece, catching sideways glances from Shelby.  _

_ “I mean, come on; it’s practically written all over your faces. I haven’t seen either of you this happy since we landed here. Well, maybe except for when you were making out with that mussel shell. Something happened, so spill.” _

_ Toni’s expression dropped; she looked around and then spoke, “Fine, but not here.” Toni got up and reached a hand down to Fatin, pulling her up to her feet. _ __

_ Toni caught Shelby’s uncertain gaze and Toni smiled reassuringly at her. “Hey, guys Fatin and I are going to go for a walk to see if we can find any more hidden fruit trees around here. We’ll be back.” _

_ Toni and Fatin waved and were on their way down the beach. Once out of earshot, Fatin bumped Toni’s shoulder. “Alright girl, spill.” _

_ “I don’t know what to tell you. We were looking for the goat that Martha scared off and then came across the lychee trees.” _

_ Fatin scoffed and grinned at Toni, “Oh please, you don’t really expect me to believe that nothing happened. That girl has not been able to keep her eyes off you since you returned this morning. I know sexual tension when I see it, and you are both glowing.” Fatin exaggerated that last word, making it obvious they were not hiding their cover very well. _

_ Toni sighed. “Fatin, I don’t know how it happened. One second I was wiping a piece of fruit off her face, and the next, her lips were on mine. I don’t know what that means or where we stand, and I don’t want to scare her away. This is all so new and raw for her, and she is fighting so many battles within herself.” Toni paused for a second, contemplating her words, “I like her, Fatin. I like her a lot. But I am fucking terrified. I am so fucking out of my element and have no idea what she’s doing or thinking. And I don’t want to scare her off, so please don’t say anything in front of the other girls.” _

_ Fatin’s face softened. “Look at you getting all soft and protective. If it makes you feel any better, I think she feels the same way about you. We all know her Westboro Baptist bullshit is a projection of her father’s ideas, not her own. She definitely has feelings for you. I can’t tell you anything about this will be easy, but I think the feelings are mutual.” _

__ _ “I don’t want just to be her experiment or fling on the island. I’m not interested in being someone’s crutch.” Toni dug her heels into the sand, creating a small sand pile. _

__ _ “I think that’s a question only she can answer, but I’m not sure she will even have the answer for you.” _

__ _ Toni ran her foot through the abstract castle she built, effectively destroying it. “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’ll be the first to admit that I have my own shit to sort out. But I don’t want to leave here more broken than when I arrived.” _

  
  


Toni sends Fatin a text letting her know they safely landed as they got into their taxi to head to the hotel. Both Toni and Martha were taking in their surroundings on their drive. California was a far cry from life on the res. For one, it was hot; as soon as they walked out of baggage claim, it felt like they were back on the island. The sun is relentless, and they can practically taste the heat. Even in the summer, this is a temperature they never reached in Minnesota. Among the chaos of the people and change in scenery, Toni begins to feel a sense of calmness at the thought of starting over. Something she has been yearning for the last five years. 

California is somewhere neither Martha nor Toni has been, and from the looks of Martha’s neverending smile and constant picture taking, she could get used to living here. Toni is just thankful her best friend is willing to join her in their next big adventure. 

“I could definitely get used to this, Toni,” Martha exclaims when they pull up to the hotel. Martha still hasn’t stopped taking pictures since they got off the plane. 

Toni chuckles at Martha’s excitement. “Yeah, it’s looking pretty promising, Marty.” 

Neither one of them had ever stayed in a hotel this nice. They thought they had upgraded when they moved into their new loft-style apartment two years ago, but that paled in comparison to this hotel. 

“So this is why the bill was so high for a two-night stay,” Toni gestures to the absurdly large chandeliers on the ceiling. 

The building stands 15 stories high with a sleek modern style on the outside—definitely, something Fatin chose. The lobby consists of a large sitting area with white leather armchairs and a faux fireplace. Flanking the back of the lobby is a cocktail lounge and an Italian wine bar.

Toni and Martha check-in at the front desk and make their way up the elevators to the 10th floor. Once they unpack a few things, they decide there is plenty of time to relax by the pool before getting ready for dinner. 

The rooftop pool is something you would see on  _ Pool Kings _ or some other insane pool building show. It looked more like a hot spring than a pool on top of a luxury hotel. The infinity-edge along the side of the pool facing the city is the only part of the pool that is not made of rock. A waterfall cascades from the upper deck into the infinity pool at the bottom, leaving enough room for the built-in rock benches underneath the fall to refrain from being splashed. 

Toni and Martha find open lounge chairs facing the pool on the other end of the pool deck near the bar. Staring at the pool, Toni scoffs, “Who the  _ fuck _ builds a waterfall on a God damn rooftop.”

  
  


_ Five Years Ago- Day 28 _

_ “When I used to go to church camp in middle school I always signed up for swimming. It gave me time to myself. To be in my own mind and not have to listen to what everyone else was saying around me.” Shelby was on her back in the pool of the falls, gently moving her arms in a circular motion to stay afloat. _

_ Toni sits on the rocky side of the falls, splashing her feet in the water. “I can’t imagine those summers were anything like this.” _ __

_ Shelby’s boldness has been surfacing more and more when they were alone. Toni is still refraining from initiating any sort of intimacy, in fear of scaring Shelby away, but knowing that Shelby is making an effort to continue their relationship was enough for Toni. _

__ _ The blonde flips herself, swiftly swimming her way over to the edge Toni sat on, “Fuck no.” She moves up, so her arms are on either side of Toni, the rock edge supporting her as she places a soft kiss on Toni’s lips. _

_ Shelby runs her tongue along Toni’s bottom lip, feeling herself melt into the other girl. Toni can’t help the moan that slips out of her mouth, moving one hand to tangle in Shelby’s hair and the other one resting on her waist. Shelby moves further into Toni, attempting to hold her up against the rock, but as she moves forward, her hand slips, causing her to slip in the water, taking the other girl with her. _

_ Both girls slip under the surface of the water, then resurfacing quickly, laughing at what had just occurred. Toni splashes Shelby, unable to contain the smile on her face, “What the fuck was that, Texas?” _

_ Shelby shrugs. “I thought you could use a cool off,” She smirks and swims over to the falls, leaning up against the rock slab that lay underneath the back of the waterfall. Toni follows, not far behind, going underwater to avoid the wave of the falls. She comes up for air right before reaching the other girl, extending her arms out, running her hands along the length of Shelby’s body, landing them on her waist as she comes up for air. _ __

_ Toni runs her hands down from Shelby’s waist, cupping her ass to pull her impossibly closer.  _

_ Shelby can sense the need in Toni’s movements and flips them, reveling in the quick intake of air coupled with the low groan as Toni’s back hits the rock, cold on her hot skin. Shelby wastes no time lifting Toni on top of the rock, climbing on top of her, and resting a leg on each side of her. _

__ _ Toni loves getting glimpses of the new breathtakingly confident Shelby, adoring her newly discovered self-assurance, even if it was. A far cry from the God-fearing girl who crashed on this island a few weeks ago. _ __

_ The blonde rakes her fingertips up Toni’s front, purposefully lifting her now soaked sports bra slightly, stopping as her hands come to rest on Toni’s chest. _

_ Toni’s hands find purchase on Shelby’s hips, pulling her impossibly closer to her, inciting a small moan from the blonde. That was all Toni needed to fuel her courage to push things further. Grasping the bottom of Shelby’s bra, pulling it over her head, Toni immediately wraps her arms around the girl on top of her, crashing their lips together. _

_ Shelby never thought intimacy could feel this good, hold so much meaning beyond the physicality of it.  _

_ Shelby pushes herself into the other girl before realizing they were laying on a less than desirable surface, “Shit Toni, your back.” _

_ She attempts to climb off the girl, only for Toni’s grip on her hips to tighten. _ __

_ “I’m fine,” Shelby gives the girl a weary look, “I’ll be better once these,” Toni tugs at Shelby’s bottoms, “are gone.” _

_ Shelby smirks at Toni, looking her up and down. “Once you even the score.” Toni quickly sat up, removing her sports bra, and began removing her panties when Shelby’s hands hovered over hers, taking them off the rest of the way. Toni reaches for Shelby’s bottoms, pulling them off, and tosses them with the rest of their garments. _

_ Shelby moves back on top of Toni, her lips hot on Toni’s neck, peppering kisses from her chest up her neck, nipping along the way. Shelby latches onto Toni‘s pulse point; Toni too turned on to feel the rock surface beneath her, digging at her back. _

_ Shelby stared down at Toni, “I know you said I didn’t have to, you know, return the favor... like that...” Shelby’s eyes glanced down between their bodies. Toni propped herself up on elbows to interject. “Shelby, I-” Shelby stopped her. “No, what I’m trying to say is, I want to, I-I’m ready to. _ __

_ Toni nods, placing a gentle kiss on Shelby’s lips and then a lingering kiss on her cheek, resting her forehead where she had just kissed. “You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. From the looks of it, we are going to be in this place for a while”. Toni laughed inwardly. “We can move at whatever pace you are comfortable with.”  _

_ Shelby takes a deep breath and slides her body downward, placing kisses along the way. She stops briefly at Toni’s breasts, giving a bit of attention to each before continuing her descent. _

_ Toni feels Shelby’s shaky hands on the inside of her thighs, squeezing lightly. She sits up on her elbows once more, “It’s okay, if you’re not ready or not sure, I’m not going to think any less.” _

_ Shelby smiles at Toni’s softness, one of the things that have quickly become her favorite about the girl. Her unwavering care and determination to make sure Shelby was comfortable in all situations. _

_ Shelby moves back up to place a soft kiss on Toni’s lips, “I’m sure,” before quickly moving back down the other girl’s body. _

__ _ Shelby’s hands immediately found their way back to the inside of Toni’s thighs, causing Toni to squirm slightly underneath her fingers. Shelby places kisses on the inside of each of her legs. Her mouth barely hovering above her center between kisses, Toni can feel each breath of air hot on her skin. Shelby kisses right above her center, spurring a whimper to slip out of Toni. Her resolve is quickly dissolving under Shelby’s touch. _

_ Shelby glances upward, catching Toni’s eyes briefly before dipping her tongue between the girl’s folds. One taste was all it took and Shelby was intoxicated, nothing was going to beat the taste of Toni Shalifoe. _

_ “Fuck, Shelby,” fell off Toni’s lips, trying to contain her movements, not wanting to overwhelm the girl who currently has her face between the legs of another girl for the first time.  _

_ Shelby was soaring. She moves her hands to cup the sides of Toni’s ass, pulling her further into her. Toni couldn’t help her hips from moving upwards, needing more contact. _

_ Shelby circles Toni’s clit, feeling the girl tense under her touch. Why she didn’t do this the first night under the lychee tree, she had no idea. She never wanted to stop. _ __

_ Shelby pulls a hand from beneath Toni, watching as she inserts a finger into her. Shelby’s heart flutters, watching the girl she is falling in love with responding to her touch. _

_ Shelby removes her finger, running her tongue Toni’s entire length before sucking on her clit. Toni couldn’t contain her movements anymore. Toni lets out a loud moan, moving to meet Shelby’s tongue moving hot against her. _ __

_ Shelby senses Toni is close and inserts two fingers, moving them in and out. Toni clenches around Shelby’s fingers, riding out her climax. _

_ Shelby continues to circle Toni’s clit with her tongue, slowing down once she feels the other girl coming down from her high. _

_ She crawls up next to the other girl, wrapping an arm around her and cuddling into her side, throwing a leg on top of hers. _ __

_ After a few moments of silence, Shelby spoke, “I hope that was--“ _

_ “Fucking perfect,” Toni interrupts, turning to face Shelby, “absolutely perfect.” _

_ Toni rests her palm on top of Shelby’s leg, drawing light circles with her thumb, relishing in the feeling of the other girl partially resting on top of her. _

_ “I love this.” Shelby’s hand found its way to cradle Toni’s face, leaning over to kiss her softly, pulling back and gazing at the brunette, “I could live here forever. I don’t want to forget this feeling, this effortless comfort that I have with you. I didn’t think I would ever feel like this.” Shelby could feel the girl beneath her stiffen, her gaze wavering. _

__ _ Toni breathed unsteadily, moving her now hot palm along the outside of Shelby’s leg, “Whether we are here, or anywhere else, I know that I never want to lose what you and I have. P-Please promise we won’t lose us.” _

_ Shelby didn’t know what else to do; she kissed Toni hard, trying to convey all of her emotions in the action. She pulls back, her lips still fluttering against the other girls, catching a glimpse of the desperation in Toni’s eyes. “I promise,” falls from Shelby’s lips. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoyed the chapter! Things are starting to pick up a bit!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Leave us your comments/predictions!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting closer!

After a few hours at the pool and Toni wallowing in her misery of memories, the girls decide it is time to head back to their room to take a nap before getting ready for dinner. 

By the time Martha finishes in the bathroom, Toni is sitting on the bed dressed with her hair wrapped up in a towel. Toni hears Marty coming out of the bathroom and flips her head down, unwrapping the towel and shaking her head, letting her curls fall partially down her back. 

“Why can’t my hair look that good fresh out of the shower?”

Toni throws Marty a look, smirking, “Please, no one else looks this damn good when they walk out of the shower.”

“No one has a head as big as yours either.” Marty throws back.

The girls continue getting ready, making their way to the lobby.

Toni and Marty barely step out of the elevator before they are engulfed in hugs from behind, as Leah and Fatin were waiting beside the elevator.

“Holy fucking shit,” Toni exclaims, taken by surprise from the contact. She whips around, engulfing Fatin in a hug.

Fatin backs away from Toni, leaving her hands on Toni’s shoulders. “Holy shit, dude is right! What has it been like two years now?”

Toni laughed anxiously, nodding. “Yeah, about two years now.”

Martha and Leah make their way over to the other girls allowing them to greet each other. 

_ Two Years Ago _

_ In the year after the island, Toni continued her role as legally living with her foster parents but spent most of her time at the Blackburn’s. Martha’s mother considered Toni another daughter at this point and credited Toni with helping Martha come to terms with her past.  _

_ Toni supported Martha through the trial, while Martha supported Toni through her grief. Toni channeled her frustration into her academics and bettering her basketball abilities. A 180 from the unhealthy habits she exhibited before the island. _

_ In the first weeks after the island, Toni tried to contact the number Shelby left her on the small piece of paper she slipped into the brunette's hand. The number never went through for Toni. Toni attempted to reach out over social media only to find herself blocked a few months after the island.  _

_ To Toni, this was nothing new. Someone else was abandoning her. She hated to admit she saw it coming. It was something she had dealt with her whole life. But this abandonment felt different—more real.  _

_ Martha was happy to see Toni bettering herself out of the situation and tried not to pry too much. They had some conversations about Toni and Shelby and what happened on the island, but Toni was reluctant to give many details. Martha didn’t understand why she was so bent about her getting ditched by some fling she had on the island. Flings were nothing new to Toni. Flings were the only thing Toni ever did, especially after the island.  _

_ As much as Martha didn’t like to admit it, she needed Toni as much as Toni needed her. Toni and Martha had applied to all the same colleges, and when Toni was accepted to UM with a full scholarship, Martha knew that’s where she belonged as well.  _

_ Although they went to the same school, Toni was gone more often than not due to basketball. She lived with her teammates and was often training or traveling. This allowed both of them to branch out and seek out their interests and independence from each other. Toni got more into the partying scene at school while Martha shied away from it, creating a rift in their friendship and was a point of contention for the two throughout college. _

_ Toni thrived in the hookup culture of college. Zero attachments—zero fucks to give. She didn’t have to give any part of herself to anyone and didn’t want any part of any one else. It was a win-win for her.  _

_ Junior year was coming to a close and Toni was excited to move into an on-campus apartment with some of her teammates. More freedom than living in a small cramped dorm room. _

_ Toni and her teammates were going out to celebrate the end of another school year when she got a call from Fatin. _

_ Toni looked down at her phone and answered an incoming call. _

_ “Hey Fatin, what’s good?”  _

_ “Hey! How is my favorite basketball star?!” Fatin all but yells into the phone. _

_ “Great, Fatin. Ready for finals to be fucking over already.”  _

_ “Yeah man, I don't know how the hell you all do all that school shit. And with basketball, fucking legend. I had enough of that in high school. Just looking at Leah’s stack of books gives me a migraine.” Fatin laughs into the speaker. _

_ “Yeah well, if it weren’t for my scholarship, I wouldn’t be here, believe me,” Toni explains. _

_ “So I don’t know if this is a good time. I’m not sure if there will ever be a good time, but Dot called me yesterday.” Fatin states. _

_ Toni stops walking and pulls herself off the campus walkway. She sucks in a breath of air, bracing herself for Fatin to continue. _

_ “Shelby got engaged, Toni. To a guy. And with Shelby still in the pageant business, Dot didn’t want you to hear it from somewhere else first.” Dot trails off, waiting for a response from Toni before continuing. _

_ Toni’s breath of air gets sucked from her chest as she lands herself on the grass, trying to process the news. “Oh, well that’s great. I’m glad she's happy.” Toni forces out.  _

_ Fatin let out the breath of air she didn’t realize she was holding. “Oh, thank fucking God. I wasn’t sure how you were going to handle it.”  _

_ “I mean, it’s been like three years since all that shit. I’m over it, I’ve moved on.” _

_ “Yeah, and from what I hear, you are moving on every other night with someone new.” Fatin counters. _

_ Toni lays back in the grass and scoffs. “Please, like you have any room to talk. Before Leah, you had someone new every single night. I have finally found the value in zero commitment. So much fucking easier for everyone.” Toni elaborates, “Look, I have to go though; I’m meeting some people to go out.” Toni states, and then they say their goodbyes.  _

_ Toni shoves her phone back in her pocket and quickly makes her way back to her dorm. _

“So we made reservations at a restaurant a couple of blocks away, let you guys see a little more of the city,” Leah states as they begin making their way through the lobby.

Fatin chimes in. “It’s a new sushi place I have been dying to try, the only bad part about moving from the Bay Area was giving up the best fucking sushi place ever.” 

Toni rolls her eyes, looking at the pair. “Of course, the first time we come out here and you bring us to a fucking sushi restaurant.”

The group reaches the restaurant and Toni holds the door open for the other girls. Fatin doesn’t miss a beat when she reaches the door and brings her hand up to lightly pinch Toni’s cheek. “Always so chivalrous.” 

Toni bats Fatin’s hand away and closes the door on the other girl, sliding in before her.

The groups take a seat at a booth near the windows, giving them a good view of the sushi bar and the people outside. 

They place their order and fall into a comfortable silence between the four of them. Martha speaks up first. “So Toni has some exciting news.”

Toni’s eyes widen as she shoots Martha a look. “Uhh, yeah, we do. I’m deciding between two coaching offers right now. One is here in southern California, and the other one is in Texas.”

Both Leah and Fatin’s faces light up, Leah uttering first. “Oh my God, that’s awesome! We love it here! What about you Martha, are you going to stay in Minnesota?” 

Martha glances at Toni and then at Fatin. “I actually think I’m going to move with Toni. Our lease isn’t up for a few months, but we have been talking about leaving Minnesota anyway. This gives us the perfect reason to do that. I’ll have to find something else for work, but I think I will have plenty of time to let me find work and then make the move.”

Leah and Fatin nod in understanding. They knew how vital Toni and Martha were to each other. They couldn’t imagine either of them moving without the other one. 

“It would be amazing to have all four of us out here. After we get married, Leah and I want to go house hunting finally. With her finishing up school, we are looking to figure out where we want to finally settle down, right babe?” Fatin explains.

Leah nods in agreement, “Maybe sometime in the future, we can think about starting a family too, right?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are just getting married. I don’t think I’m ready to share you just yet.” Fatin looks her fiance up and down and reaches out her hand, jokingly cupping her breast. “I am definitely not ready to share these.”

Leah swats Fatin’s hand away in amusement, “Fucking perve.”

Fatin chuckles and across at Martha and Toni, “Really though, it would be cool to have you guys here.”

“Are either of your family’s coming tomorrow?” Martha asked.

Fatin scoffs. “Well, seeing as mine still hasn’t talked to me since I left, no. But we just wanted something small.” Fatin reaches for Leah’s hand under the table. “Neither of us saw the purpose of having a bunch of people there that didn’t play any part in our relationship. We wanted the eight of us to be together because we all went through the same thing on the island, and that’s where we really started to see each other as more than just people who happened to go to the same school.” Fatin pauses and sighs. “Leah never really recovered her relationship with her family after they sent her away, and I only derailed mine more when I got home, so neither of us felt the need to invite family. Not that mine would have shown up anyways.”

Martha and Toni are both fully aware of the family dynamics that Fatin and Leah faced before and after the island. It is safe to say that everyone’s relationship with their parents wasn’t the greatest before they all boarded the charter plane. Still, Leah and Fatin’s relationships with their families both crumbled upon their return to society. 

Fatin returned to her parents, who couldn’t wait for her to get out of the house fast enough and enrolled her in a boarding school. She discovered her parents had been evading taxes for some years, which explained their sudden influx of cash during her high school years. After threatening to contact the IRS, her parents agreed to let her finish out her senior year at her current school, allowing her to finish the year with Leah. 

At the end of senior year, Fatin’s parents discovered the relationship she had started with Leah. This proved to be the last straw for her parents, kicking her out, and Fatin followed through with her original plan and left their house with several wildly expensive watches and various other items with the intent to use them to fund her for at least a few years. Fatin knew her parents wouldn’t try to press charges due to the information she had on them. The only contact Fatin still has with her family is with her siblings.

“So you said your other offer was in Texas…” Leah tried to reroute the conversation.

“Yeah, I’m not sure where I will end up yet. I figured while we are here, we would be able to see if it is somewhere we could see ourselves living; if not, then we could take a trip to Texas and check it out. Marty should be able to find a position pretty much anywhere with her resume.” Toni responds. 

As much as Toni wanted to hate California when they came out here, they are both liking it more than she originally hought they would. It is nice to be surrounded by people all of the time and appealing to be surrounded by exceptionally close friends. After they get home from Hawaii, they will probably take a trip out to Austin to compare and make sure they are making the right decision for both of them. 

At the end of dinner, they start walking back to the hotel, window shopping at all the stores that were now closed on the way back. 

Waiting for the elevator, Fatin whispers to Leah and then turns to Toni. “Want to grab a drink before heading up?” 

Toni looks at Marty, who smiles at her to show her understanding, and Toni responds, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

After grabbing their drinks at the bar, they took a seat at a table in the lounge.

Fatin states abruptly.  **“** No more bullshitting; how are you really feeling about tomorrow? I can feel your anxiety from here. You have more than Leah and I combined.” 

Toni swallows thickly, avoiding eye contact. “I really don’t know. I just-- fuck I don’t want to be where I was two years ago.” Toni looks around the lodge, fixating her eyes on a painting across the room before looking back at Fatin. “Is she married yet?”

Fatin let out a low snicker. “No. I asked Dot when we RSVP’d for the wedding. I wanted to know what exactly we were walking into. I mean, the girl has been MIA from all of us for five years and engaged for two years, but no wedding. Two super Christian people and they’re not married after two years? C’mon, there’s a weird vibe coming off that, and I don’t even know the whole story. Dot and I have kept in contact over the years but not too heavily. Mostly just for the big things.” Fatin explains. No one would have thought, out of the eight of them, Fatin would be the one to keep in contact with all of the girls to some extent.

Toni nods her head in understanding. “Yeah, and it’s been five years since we have talked, and you and Martha were still picking my ass up off the ground two years ago.”

  
  


_ Two Years Ago _

_ Martha pulls up to the shady broken down bar two towns over and jumps out of her car, barely shutting her door in her wake.  _

_ She wrenches open the weathered wooden door, scanning frantically for the brunette. _

_ “She’s outback,” The bartender pointed to the double doors on the other side of the bar, next to the pool table. _

_ “Good luck.” One of the men playing pool said over his shoulder. _

_ Martha hesitantly steps through the back doors, her eyes falling on the small brunette sitting with her head down on what Martha assumes is the staff break table.  _

_ Martha cautiously approaches the table and takes a seat across from Toni, letting the other girl feel her presence before speaking. _

_ “Fatin called me,” Martha started. “Toni I’m so sorry. I had no idea she was engaged. I’m blocked on everything too.” _

_ Toni doesn’t move, Martha can hear her slightly labored breath and reaches out, but Toni gets up abruptly before reaching her.  _

_ “Married?! She’s getting fucking married?!” Toni is pacing in the corner, watching her feet on the ground. _

_ “Toni? What happened tonight?” Martha asks, rounding the table over to where Toni is. _

_ Toni slumps and responds. “I was supposed to go out with my team, and I did. Then I ended up here, and I-- I don’t know. It’s been three years, and I’m still hung up on some Bible thumper who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about me to even give me a damn phone call.”  _

_ Martha treads carefully. “Look, Toni, I know we haven’t really talked a ton about your relationship with Shelby and everything that went down on the island… But I think it’s time. There is clearly more here than what you have been letting on for all these years.” _

_ Toni can’t contain her emotions any longer and begins sobbing, Martha holding her up.  _

_ “Okay, okay,” Martha starts, “You’re staying with me, and we can continue this tomorrow.” _

_ \---------------- _

_ Martha decided to hold off on the conversation with Toni. Even though Toni was done, Martha had a couple more days of finals before they left campus for the year.  _

_ Martha was able to convince Toni to stay at her mom’s for a bit before moving to her summer housing for training, and Fatin flew in a couple of days after California to spend a few days with Martha and Toni.  _

_ “You people actually enjoy living in this tundra?” Fatin was wrapped up in pants and a borrowed sweatshirt from Toni, holding her hot coffee for warmth. _

_ “Fatin, it’s like 65 degrees out. It’s perfect.” Toni stated as she sipped her iced coffee. _

_ Marth put down her coffee on the table and started, “Uhm, so Toni, do you think you are ready to talk about the other night?” Martha looked between Fatin and Toni, “And what actually went down between you and Shelby on the island because we both feel like this is all a little out of left field.” _

_ Toni’s body went rigid at the mention of her name. She did not want to relive the other night or what happened on the island. She tried to suppress her memories for 3 years, and all of it was coming back to bite her in the ass. _

_ “I don’t know what you expect me to tell you. We had a fling, I stupidly got too attached to a straight girl, and she broke my heart. A typical teen drama if you ask me.” Toni shrugged off the topic taking a sip from her coffee. _

_ Fatin scoffed and sat up, staring at Toni. “You see, we would believe that if we aren’t sitting here three years later like you said, hashing out the same shit. I would go ask blondie myself, but I don’t see that getting me anywhere. So one more time, what the fuck happened on that island?” _

_ Toni sighed and kicked her feet at the ground, hoping to find a rock on the pavement to ease her nerves. “I promised her I would never say anything to anyone.” _

_ “You have got to be kidding me.” Fatin counters, “It’s a little late for saving her, don’t you think?” _

_ Toni shakes her head, standing her ground “I told her I would never. I’m sticking by my word. One of us has to.” _

_ After the incident at the bar, Martha was able to convince Toni that she thought it would be best for the both of them if they got an apartment off-campus for the both of them. With the money they got from their island settlement, they could afford something not too far from campus with two bedrooms so they would each have their own space. This way, Martha was able to keep a closer eye on Toni and Toni would have somewhere to come back to when she wasn’t traveling with her team. It was the same apartment they continued to live in two years later.  _

“You know we will do it for you all over again if we need to, but for what it’s worth, Leah and I appreciate you coming out here for the wedding and going to Hawaii with all of us. If you want to talk at any point or if it’s just too much, we are here for you.” Fatin said sincerely to Toni.

Fatin looks down at her phone for the third time in a minute. “But it’s getting late, and my very attractive future wife is waiting for me in our very expensive hotel room. And if she sends me one more picture, I am going to explode.” Fatin says quickly as she inhales the rest of her drink. She gets up to return to her hotel room, leaving Toni to enjoy a couple more drinks on her own before retreating to her room for the night.

\-----

The next morning is a drag for Toni. She barely slept and can feel a slight hangover from the drinks at the restaurant and then the bar. Martha is still sleeping and figured they could both use some coffee and pastries for the day. Toni sneaks out of the room to make her way to a coffee shop they walked by on their way to dinner last night. 

She steps off the elevator and rounds the corner to pass through the lobby.

“Oh, why thank you so much for your help.” 

Toni’s head snapped toward the check-in desk, taking in the back of the blonde gathering her things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Shelby and Toni will finally come face to face for the first time!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Toni quietly opens their hotel door, balancing their coffees and pastries in one hand, thankful that she made it to the coffee shop and back without being seen. 

Just as she quietly shut the door, she turns around to see Martha sitting on the bed staring at her.

“I was wondering where you went. I figured it was for a run.” Martha states as she got up to sit at the small table near the window. 

“I thought we could use a pick me up before the wedding tonight. I remembered walking by a cute little pastry place down the street last night on the way to dinner.” 

Toni hands Martha her coffee and then places the pastries and another cup on the table before taking a seat opposite Martha. 

“So I saw Shelby on my way to the coffee shop.” Toni starts nonchalantly.

Martha peers over her coffee cup at Toni. “Did you talk to her?”

Toni scoffs as she took a bite of her chocolate croissant. “Yeah, Marty, I just walked right up to her as if nothing has happened in the last five years."

Marty rolls her eyes and counters. “I see we are off to a positive start this morning.” 

“Fuck off; I shouldn’t have come. This was a horrible fucking idea.” Toni was pacing at this point, watching out the window at the business of LA. She stops and stares out the window, watching a golden retriever walk next to their owner, pulling at the leash. 

“Do you think Zeke would like it here? What if he doesn’t have enough room to run or doesn’t like all the people?” Toni was rambling, looking for something else to occupy her mind. Anything that wasn’t the gorgeous blonde she was going to encounter in just a few hours for the first time in five years. 

Marth sighs heavily, putting down her croissant. “I think Zeke will love to go wherever you are. He doesn’t care if you are in Minnesota, California, or Texas. If you don’t think here will work, then we can always check out Texas after. I will be able to find something no matter where we end up. It will just be nice to have a fresh new start.”

Martha never knew what to say when it came to Toni and Shelby; she has lightly treaded the last two years. Just as everyone else has in the previous five years, it had been the unspoken rule for two years that she just wasn’t discussed unless necessary. At this point, it seems to be more than necessary.

“So the ceremony isn’t until tonight. Leah and Fatin are hung up on wedding stuff for the day, but based on the group chat this morning, everyone is heading to the pool for the day.” 

“Yeah, that’s cool, Marty. I’m good with whatever.” Toni replies, her eyes never leaving the street below. 

\-------

After a little past noon, Martha and Toni make their way to the pool where Nora, Rachel, and Dot are already getting started on their afternoon tanning and drinks. 

“About fucking time!” Dots yells as the two approach the other girls.

“Fuck off; I’m still not a morning person.” Toni rolls her eyes at Dot, chucking her towel at the girl.

It didn’t take Toni more than a second to realize a certain blonde is missing from the group, but Toni didn’t dare ask. 

She and Martha took their seats on the last two lounge chairs the group saved.

Toni barely lasts a minute before sitting up suddenly. “I need a drink. Does anyone need another one? Marty, you?”

Everyone spoke up to give their order before Toni took off toward the bar to order their drinks.

“Is Shelby here, Dot?” Nora asks tentatively, watching the deep breath Dot took in before answering.

“Yeah, she’s here. She, uh, was tired and wanted to get a nap in before we had the ceremony tonight.” 

Rachel scoffs and takes the final gulp of her drink. “Why is she here anyway? Doesn’t she have some bible preaching to do? I can’t imagine her seeing two girls getting married is going to go well.”

Dot snaps her head back toward Rachel, sneering, “You don’t know what the fuck you are talking about, and don’t you dare breathe a word to her about it.”

Rachel moves back from the force behind Dot’s words. Still not one for being told what to do or used to someone responding to her in such away. “Chill the fuck out; I was only kidding.”

Dot laughs and throws back the rest of her drink before turning around sharply to head back to the bar, murmuring on her way by the girls. “It’s going to be a long fucking two weeks.”

\----------------------

The next couple of hours went on without a hitch. The girls found themselves falling back into the banter they all had back on the island. Reminiscing of the 12 weeks, they spent on the island.

Everyone dispersed to their respective rooms to get ready for the ceremony tonight. Martha and Toni found themselves back in their room, finishing up getting ready before heading downstairs. 

Toni stood in front of the body-length mirror on the closet, trying on her third outfit of the night. Toni flattens her hand over her stomach, turning to look at herself.

“What about this one, Marty?”

Martha steps out of the doorway from the bathroom to take another look at Toni. “I love the shirt, but I think you should wear the white pants with it.”

Toni gave herself another look and quickly nodded. “Good idea, I’ll change the pants and keep the shirt. Hold on.”

Toni rushes into the closet and replaces her black pants with white ones. Toni returns to the mirror, giving herself another look.

“Okay, what about now?” Toni asks in the direction of the bathroom. 

Martha pops around the corner again. “That is definitely the outfit, Toni. you look great.” Martha smiles at Toni, hoping to build her confidence a bit before they head to the ceremony. 

\---------------------------------

“Holy fuck are you almost ready?!” Dot yells from her bed as she scrolls through her phone. Shelby has been getting ready since before she came up from the pool. 

Shelby hasn’t said much since they got to California, other than how ridiculous it was that a rooftop pool had a waterfall. 

They took a walk around the hotel when they first got there, but Shelby decided to retreat to the room and take a nap before the ceremony. 

“Good Lord, I see all these years haven’t given you any more patience,” Shelby says from the bathroom. “I’m almost done with my hair, and then I just have to change.”

“Fine, just hurry up. You know I hate being the last one to things.” Dot responds, trying to contain her agitation. 

Twenty minutes later, Shelby emerges from the bathroom. Glancing at Dot over her shoulder. “You ready?”

Dot looks up over her phone, giving Shelby a lookup and down. “Shit, you look good.”

Shelby blushes and reaches for the door handle before Dot stops her with her hand, shutting the door. 

“Do you have a plan going into tonight, or are you just going to wing it?” Dot asks, staring at Shelby in anticipation.

“Dottie, what exactly have I been doing for the last five years? Winging it is always the answer.”

Dot let out a deep breath and opened the door, holding it open for both girls to walk through.

_ Five years ago- Day 80 _

_ Shelby and Toni have just returned from their shelter Toni built for them. Both Toni and Shelby are surprised it has held up for this long, going to show the effort Toni put into making it in the first place. _

_ Shelby is sitting down by the water, lost in thought as she watches the waves crash on the ocean. _

_ Dot comes up behind Shelby, taking a seat next to her in the sand.  _

_ “You think we will ever make it off this island?” Dot asks, breaking the silence. _

_ “I sure hope not. I’m starting to get used to life here.” Shelby responds, her voice barely above a whisper. _

_ “I'm not sure if I can ask this. But I feel like we are past the whole bullshitting phase of being stuck here.” _

_ Shelby turns to look at Dot curiously.  _

_ “Is the real you who you are here or who you are back home? I’m not judging at all, but you and I both know more than anyone here that they are two very different people.” _

_ Shelby’s fear settles in the pit of her stomach. She has been anticipating and dreading this conversation since the girls started picking up on her and Toni.  _

_ Honestly, Shelby wasn’t sure she had an exact answer for Dot. There were parts of her life back home that she missed, but there were also parts that she never wanted to return to or relive. Dot was right when she said they were two completely different people.  _

_ Back home, Shelby fit the mold her parents made for her. She wasn’t allowed to go outside the lines or veer in any direction of her own. She didn’t have much say in the person she was back in Texas.  _

_ On the island, Shelby finally found a sense of freedom. There were no rules of where to color inside the lines or expectations of who she had to be. Being here made her realize more and more that the person back home on the outside was not the person she was on the inside. She was just never given a chance to let herself shine in and out.  _

_ “I don’t know how you expect me to answer that,” Shelby responds hastily.  _

_ Dot nods and looks out at the ocean, watching the waves break way out in the distance.  _

_ “You know, everyone back home thinks I’m just an outsider. That I don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. I mean, let’s be honest, I wasn’t one for being a social butterfly because fuck that. I found myself better off on my own more times than not. But it wasn’t because I didn’t give a shit. It was actually kind of the opposite.” Dot took a shaky deep breath, reliving the few months before leaving here for the first time since they landed on the island.  _

_ “My dad was sick for a long time, really fucking long. I didn’t have time for friends or football games because I was too busy taking care of him. Trying to make enough extra cash on the side from his unused medications to pay the bills. I lived in constant survival mode. I didn’t have time for friends or relationships. I barely had time for school, never mind anything else. Everyone thought I was the one using, but really I was just selling to make it through the day.”  _

_ “You were selling your dad’s extra pills?” Shelby asks, her voice laced with concern.  _

_ “I didn’t really have a choice. The bills still had to be paid. And I needed enough money to buy food and diapers. I did what I had to do.” Dot states without a hitch. The matter was something she had come to terms with long before coming to the island. She wasn’t ashamed of what she had to do.  _

_ “Jesus, Dottie, why didn’t you say something to anyone?” Shelby asks, becoming more concerned as the conversation progresses.  _

_ “Like I said, I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, and my life was pretty consumed by taking care of my dad.” Dot pauses before continuing, “Besides, Andrew was my best customer, and I knew his pockets were deep enough to keep me going.” Dot glances at Shelby, waiting for her response.  _

_ Shelby scoffs and lets out a chuckle. “I should have fucking known.”  _

_ Dot peers at Shelby, trying to gauge her response before continuing. “He was cheating on you. I caught him a few times when he was buying. The jackass didn’t even care if he got caught. He knew I needed the money.” _

_ Shelby stiffens at her words before breaking out into laughter. “Well, I guess that makes two of us then.” _

_ Dot gives Shelby a skeptical look. “What do you mean?”  _

_ Shelby sighs and tries to focus on anything except Dot’s stare. “Well, for starters, I’m not exactly a virgin anymore.” _

_ Dot’s mouth hangs open at Shelby’s admittance. “Wow, so Toni really does have some game. Apparently, more than we all thought.” _

_ Shelby pushes Dot’s shoulder as they both laughed at her comment.  _

_ After falling into another silence, Dot speaks up. “So say we do get out of here. What are you going to do?”  _

_ Shelby shakes her head, instantly feeling the tears prick at her eyes. “I have never felt more like myself than since I kissed Toni. She makes me feel something that I never knew was possible. Something I never thought was possible for me. The idea of losing that feeling and losing her. I can’t even think about that.” Shelby pauses. “But to answer your original question, I’m not the person who you thought you knew in Fort Travis. That was never me.” _

  
  


By the time Shelby and Dot made it to the beach, the four other girls were already seated and waiting. Fatin and Leah were nowhere in sight. 

Shelby and Dot quickly made their way to the two empty seats in the front row. 

Rachel leans forward. “Hey Blondie, welcome back.” 

“Hey ya’ll, sorry. Always fashionably late, must be a pageant thing.” Shelby laughs nervously, continuing to stare forward, focusing on the waves. 

_ Five Years Ago Day 70 _

_ “Do you ever plan on getting married someday?” Shelby asks. _

_ Toni and Shelby have been lying in their shelter for the last couple of hours. They were bouncing questions and ideas off one another about what they would do once they left the island. Both girls had a year left of high school, Shelby at her parents and Toni bouncing foster homes. They knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but both girls had expressed their desire to try to make things work. _

_ Toni’s heart flutters at Shelby’s question. She hadn’t ever really thought about getting married. She never had the model parents look up to and didn’t see its point. As far as Toni knew, marriage was a broken commitment that just led to heartbreak.  _

_ “I hadn’t ever really thought of it. My dad was never around, and my mom wasn’t exactly the nurturing type. I was never surrounded by the idea of marriage being something positive.” _

_ Shelby looks lovingly at Toni, looking down at their intertwined hands. “You should think about it. You can’t be scared of something that could be great. Isn’t that what you told me?”  _

_ Toni grins inwardly, continuing to draw circles on Shelby’s bare stomach.  _

_ Shelby moves onto her side, pulling her right arm up to rest on her elbow. “I mean, think about it. Your loyalty and commitment to those you love are unparalleled to anybody I have ever met. I think you will make a great wife someday.” _

_ Toni can’t contain her blush, trying to savor Shelby’s words.  _

Toni and Martha sat on the opposite side of the aisle from the other girls, making small talk about how cool it would be to live so close to somewhere they could drive to the beach from. No more shoveling snow or taking Zeke out in it. 

Music began playing through the speakers that lined the beach on the outside of the rows, effectively causing all six girls to turn around and face behind them at the same time. 

Toni’s vision lands on Shelby briefly before quickly turning her body more to see Fatin walking down the aisle, flowers in hand. 

Fatin smiles at each girl as she walks down the aisle, stopping once she got to the end then turning to wait for her future bride. 

Toni turns to look at Fatin, giving her a reassuring smile and wink to show her support. If there was one thing Toni knew, it was how perfect for Fatin, Leah is. Toni admires their relationship and unwavering love for one another. It is something she hopes for in the future. When they first got to the island, Fatin wouldn’t shut up about how much she needed to just fuck the next guy she saw. She even delved into expressing her fantasies involving Marcus the mannequin. 

As their time progressed on the island, it became clearer that both of their feelings had changed over time. Not only about their circumstances, but about each other. 

The tone of the music changed, and Leah emerges from over the dune at the back of the beach. 

Shelby turns to look forward at Fatin, who already has tears welling in her eyes. Turning back around, Shelby let her eyes linger over the brunette sitting on the other side of the aisle. Just long enough for Toni to turn and catch Shelby, their eyes meeting for far longer than either of them intended. 

Their eyes divert and continue to follow Leah down the aisle until she reaches Fatin at the end, their hands intertwining with one another. 

The music fades to an end as all eyes land on the couple standing on the deck laid out in front of the ocean. Fatin and Leah are flanked by two huge bright white flower settings on each side and the officiant between them. 

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between Fatin Jadmani and Leah Rilke.” The officiant paused and gestured to the girls sitting in front of them.

“I would like to welcome you to what is a significant day not just for these two, but for all eight of you. This ceremony marks yet another remembrance of the time you all spent together. Not only the good times but the struggles that brought together each of you. Fatin, would you please start with your vows?”

Shelby felt Dot reach for her hand, squeezing gently with a quick glance before returning her attention to the girls in front of them.

“Leah, I don’t even know where to start with us. When we first landed on that island, I thought it was a sick joke. Like everything had come crashing down on me, and out of all the people to be stuck on an island with from school, it had to be you.” Fatin looks up at Leah with a smirk before continuing.

“I never would have thought those 12 weeks would lead up to this. I think we would all admit we were each struggling with more things than we would have liked to admit. We came face to face with all our fears in the worst way. But ever since being stuck on that island, you have been the piece I never knew I was missing. You keep me grounded in more ways than I can count and are always the rock I need. I will never regret even the arguments that we had on that island because everything led me to this moment. There is no one else I could tolerate being stuck on a deserted island with and then still want to spend the rest of my life with. You are everything, and I can’t wait for everything we have ahead of us.” 

Everyone could see the tears brimming in Leah’s eyes. Even Fatin can somehow come up with vows for her wedding, although with her own twist. 

“Fatin, when I first found myself on the island, I was mending a broken heart. I never thought what I would find is the only person who could mend it. It’s still weird to think our paths had crossed countless times in high school before, but we would never have connected outside of the island in the same way. You were a glimmer of light in your own right on the island and shed humor when we all needed it. You mended my heart and made me fall in love with you in the process. You continue to impress me every day with your unfaltering love and commitment to us and make sure we are always cared for. I can’t wait to see how far we go.”

Toni brought up the wedding bands, and the girls exchanged rings relaying their promises to one another.

“I now pronounce you Mrs. Fatin and Leah Rilke!”

Fatin pulls Leah into a long-awaited kiss. Releasing one another to face the girls, both wearing matching grins of excitement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shelby and Toni have finally both seen each other face to face after 5 long-awaited years sooo...... What happens next? 😅
> 
> Your comments are always greatly appreciated!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

After the ceremony, everyone moved further down the beach, where there was a bonfire set up. Since it was just the eight of them at the ceremony, Leah and Fatin wanted it to feel more nostalgic. 

Fatin and Leah are making their way back down to the beach as they are welcomed with cheers and clapping. Everyone makes their rounds, giving hugs and greetings to Dot and Shelby since they were nearly late to the wedding. 

Shelby let go of Leah to turn and make eye contact with Toni, who quickly looked away and pulled Fatin into another hug. 

“Damn I missed you,” Toni tells Fatin. 

“I hate to break it to you, but I’m a married woman now, so you’re going to have to cool it with the crazy ex-girlfriend shit.” Fatin teases Toni. 

Toni chuckles and pushes Fatin away. “Fuck you.” 

“Oh, I hope she does later.” Fatin retorts. 

Shelby tenses at the interaction and walks over to Toni, enveloping her in a tight hug. 

“Hey, Toni. It’s nice to see you.” 

Toni’s body goes rigid. Trying to concentrate on anything other than the blonde pressed up against her. 

“Uh, yeah,” Toni utters. Her arms finally coming up to stiffly wrap around Shelby before quickly releasing her. 

Toni backs away to sit next to Martha on a piece of driftwood by the fire. 

“Where did you even find these?” Dot shouts to the newly married couple as she stretches out in one of the pilot chairs laid out on the beach. 

“It’s amazing the things people can find in LA,” Fatin says to Dot. 

“Who would have thought five years ago the eight of us would be back together in front of the fire we don’t have to keep going,” Nora states, standing by the fire, taking in her surroundings. 

“I don’t think any of us thought we would be here, Nora.” Rachel counters in a matter-of-fact manner. 

“Well— I’m glad we were all able to get together for the occasion. Congrats, guys, and I can’t wait for our long-awaited trip tomorrow.” Dot cuts in, breaking away from the conversation about the island. 

Shelby walks over to Dot with her drink and holds it up. “To Leah and Fatin. And all of us having a great trip.” 

All the girls gather around, saying cheers in unison, drinking away the night before getting ready for their flight in the morning. 

_______

Dot and Shelby made it back to the room, making small talk about what they wanted to do in Hawaii. Hiking volcanoes was number one on Dot’s list, and swimming with dolphins was Shelby’s

Shelby finishes getting ready for bed. She had decided to claim the bed closest to the window when she and Dot arrived. She stares out the window, watching the lights glimmering across the city as she pulls up her knees and wraps her arms around them, hugging them close. 

“Hey.” Dot breaks the silence in Shelby’s head as she walks out of the bathroom and sits on the edge of Shelby’s bed. 

“How are you feeling?” Dot continues when she doesn’t get anything other than a head nod from Shelby. 

“Real good.” Shelby nods again and rests her head on her knees, looking at Dot. 

“Yeah, you look it, dude.” Dot raises her eyebrows and smirks at Shelby. 

Dot knew this trip was a make or break for Shelby. Although Shelby hadn’t come face to face with herself since, after the island, Dot knew the girl was still there. The girl that Shelby so desperately wanted to be. 

Shelby breaks the silence. “It’s just... being here.. with everyone is making me question myself all over again.”

Dot stifled her laugh. From the seriousness on Shelby’s face, now was not the time for an ‘I told you so’ conversation. 

“You know you can only hide from yourself for so long. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a bad thing after all.”

“Or it was a really fucking awful idea.” Shelby groans and throws her head back. 

Shelby glances back at Dot. “I’ve spent the last five years rebuilding what I left behind. Rebuilding my family and their trust, thinking that I had everything figured out. But now, being here, seeing her... God, I have no idea what I have been doing since we left that damn island." Shelby shakes her head, fiddling the locket around her neck between her fingers.

“For what it’s worth, you can only hide from yourself for so long. Eventually, the real you will come out. It might not be today or tomorrow, but she will. And when she does, I think you are going to be very surprised by how much she is still loved." Dot pats Shelby’s knee and starts to get up, leaving one leg on the bed. “When you’re ready, we all will be too—All of us.”

—————————-

“Did she really fucking think that I was going to want to just wrap her up in a hug?” Toni says as she pulls her toothbrush from her mouth, poking her head out from the bathroom.

Toni continues brushing her teeth and comes out of the bathroom. Not waiting for Martha to respond. 

“Like the last five years didn’t fucking happen.” Toni is already heated, and it is only day one. 

“Toni, I don’t—“ Martha starts. 

Toni continues to grumble as she paces in the room. 

“Toni!” Martha raises her voice, stopping Toni in her tracks. 

“Shelby has no idea what the last five years have been like for you. No one has told her. Not even Dot. Have you forgotten that you didn’t want anything back from her? No one has breathed a word to her.” Martha quickly got out before Toni could interrupt again. 

“Fuck.” Toni yells, sitting on the side of her bed, her head in her hands. 

“What the fuck was I thinking coming here.” Toni feels deflated, and the first night has not even been completed. 

Toni had waited five years for the moment that occurred tonight. She has wanted to see Shelby again the second they separated on the island, but this was definitely not the reunion she was hoping for. 

Aside from their very awkward hug, Toni and Shelby didn’t have any other direct contact for the rest of the night, which was probably for the best. It was going to be a very long trip for all of them.

___________________________

All eight girls pile into a limo to get from the hotel to the airport. Fatin insists that they ride in style.

“When do you plan on taking your real honeymoon?” Martha asks the newlyweds.

Fatin turns to look at Leah, knowing the timing depends more on her wife’s schedule than her own. 

“Probably not until next year. I really want to honeymoon in Fiji, so we want to make sure it is planned far enough out that we can fully prepare and stay for probably two weeks to make the flight worth it.” Leah says, taking a sip of mimosa the driver had waiting for them in the limo. 

“When do you plan on getting hitched, Blondie?” Rachel leans forward and asks Shelby. “It’s been like what a couple of years now since you got engaged?” 

Shelby’s eyes divert to Toni quickly, who was staring out the window, trying to pretend as if she wasn’t interested in the answer. 

She chuckles nervously before answering. “Well, Lord, if my parents had it their way, we would have been married the day he proposed.”

Shelby expects Rachel to be the bluntest on vacation but didn’t expect it before they even reached the airport. Her home life wasn’t something she wanted to put on blast in front of all the girls. 

“We said before I left that we would revisit the planning when I got back, so I will keep you all posted for dates.” Shelby flashes her tight-lipped pageant smile after finishing her thought. 

The eight of them make it to the airport and check-in their baggage. Fatin being the only one with two suitcases, to no surprise.

They make their way through the terminal when Fatin pulls to the side and stops. Looking at everyone, “What? You all want to be stuck in a plane with me without my morning coffee?”

“No. We do not.” Leah chimes in. 

Toni agrees and jumps in line with Fatin telling Marty she will grab her usual. The rest of the girls’ gave their orders to Toni and Fatin and made their way to the gate.

“Don’t forget mine, babe!” Leah yells behind her before walking with the rest of the group.

Once the group is out of earshot, Fatin turns to Toni and asks, “So how was last night?”

“It was great. Everything looked beautiful, and the bonfire was a very nice touch.” Toni informs her, scrolling through her phone to find her Starbucks app.

“Not that, I meant you and Texas. But good to know you liked the ceremony." Fatin clarifies and chuckles slightly.

“Oh. That. Well, if you consider the world’s most abrupt and uncomfortable hug to be considered ‘good,’ then everything went fine.” 

“Yeah, yikes. I could feel the tension from 20 feet away. But on the bright side, at least that’s over with. You think you’ll talk to her?” Fatin asks, taking a step forward in line. 

“I’m not sure what there is to talk about. I haven’t had a conversation with her in five years. The last time we talked was her telling me she would do whatever it took to keep us together and make things work. Then I never heard from her again. She’s engaged and seems to be moving forward with her life. There’s nothing for her or me to gain out of talking to one another. I was just some summer fling or experiment. Something to keep her mind occupied on the island.” 

Toni was more than sick of having this conversation. She has been having the same conversation for the last couple of months with Martha and Fatin: Will she talk to Shelby? Ultimately Toni felt like the ball was in Shelby’s court. She had reached out to the girl more times than she could count and always reached a dead end. Why would Toni make an effort to reach out now just because they were together in person? Toni didn’t need to feel any more rejected by the other girl.    
The girls grab everyone’s drinks and make their way to the gate just as the plane was beginning to board. They distribute their drinks and quickly make their way to the plane since they are the only people in first class.

Marth and Toni boarded the plane last since Toni was distributing the drinks, leaving the only two seats open as the ones behind Shelby and Dot.

As everyone else on the flight boarded the plane, an attendant came around asking if anyone needs a blanket or headphones. The attendant returns with a blanket for Shelby and then retreats back to the front of the plane.

The attendant begins reviewing the safety protocols as the plane moves away from the gate, making its way to the runway. Toni sees Shelby fiddling with her blanket through the gap between the blonde’s seat and the window, her fingers gripping the armrest until her knuckles are white. 

Toni hesitates then leans forward between the seat and window. “Hey, you good?”

Shelby flinches before realizing it’s Toni behind her. “Uh yeah, I just-- I never got used to planes after, you know,” Shelby tells Toni, her face getting hot from her embarrassment of being affected in a plane five years later.

Toni looks up at the flight attendant, who has now taken her seat for take-off. 

She loosens her belt slightly and inches forward, reaching out her right hand between the seat in front of her and the wall, covering Shelby’s hand with her own. 

Toni expects Shelby to recoil her hand but is surprised when she loosens her grip on the armrest. Toni’s hand melts into the hand underneath her as her stomach does flips inside her. 

Neither girl says anything, both staying in place as the airplane begins picking up speed on the runway. They feel the plane lift off the ground, and Shelby’s grip on the hand rest tightens again, causing Toni to press down tighter on the Texan’s hand. 

“You still good?” Toni asks by leaning forward a little more. Her face pressed up against the corner of the seat in front of her.

“Yeah.” Shelby breathes, barely above a whisper, sinking her body into the chair as far as possible. The only thing between them is the seat they are both pressed against. Her heart is soaring at this point.

They stay, Toni’s hand covering Shelby’s until they are at full altitude. 

It isn’t until Toni starts to pull her hand away that she realizes how sweaty it is. She rubs her hand on her shorts and moves back in her seat. Toni opens her window to look only to quickly close it once the bright light hits her eyes and decides a nap is a better idea. 

Shelby tries to look back discretely after Toni retracts her hand, her heart rate beginning to return to normal. She stares at her right hand that was just engulfed by Toni’s. The feeling still etched on her skin. Shelby then remembers, looking around, finding that no one saw the gesture. She lets out the breath she was holding and collapses back into the seat.

_ Five years ago- Day 23 _

_ Shelby decides to take Fatin’s bold advice and makes her way up the cliff. She had spent the first 17 years of her life running away from any and everything that made her feel good or happy. This was the one thing she couldn’t run away from.  _

_ Shelby had crushes before this; hell she even had a crush on Andrew at one point until she realized that there was no way it was going anywhere. No one had ever made her feel the way Toni does.  _

_ Toni is bold and rash. Pretty much the opposite of Shelby’s calculated and meticulous self. But when Shelby is around, there is a calamity that calmness effortlessly washes over her. Toni felt the need to protect Shelby from everything, including her own self-destructiveness.  _

_ Shelby reaches the top of the cliff, having rehearsed her introduction several times over on the way up.  _

_ “Hey.” She starts.  _

_ “Hey,” Toni responds, craning her neck around to look up at the blonde joining her.  _

_ Shelby takes a seat next to Toni, looking out at the water briefly. _

_ “So, does this not matter to you?” Shelby asks, her face stoic with the confusion of not only her feelings but the feelings of the girl she’s now sitting next to. _

_ “What?” Toni blankly asks, turning to face the other girl, concern beginning to wash over her. _

_ “You’re this fiery, passionate person. And then last night happens, and you’re just so damn calm. I guess-- I guess I just got to thinking that maybe that’s be-- because it didn’t matter to you.” Shelby trails off on her thought, fighting the internal battle of whether she should be having this conversation in the first place. She knew once the door was open, there was no closing it again.  _

_ Toni glances down, licks her lips, and counters with a smile. “Nah, Shelby. It’s cause I trust you.” _

_ Shelby stares at Toni for a second. Her fear is clouded by the exhilaration from Toni’s response, her judgment becoming cloudier about the outcome of this conversation. Toni trusts her?  _

_ Shelby scoffs, half rolling her eyes, more at herself than anything. “What the hell did I do to deserve that?” _

_ “You saved my life.” Toni deadpans, the realization of what would have happened if Shelby didn’t force Toni to take the pill, sinking into both of them momentarily. _

_ Shelby’s fear surfaces again, “Okay, but what if it all blows up? What if… what if… what if we end up making each other freaking miserable, you know? What if I hurt you? I’ve hurt people before. Very badly. I--” Shelby rambles and is stopped by Toni cutting in. _

_ “What if our plane crashes, and what if we nosedive into the ocean, and, you know, end up stranded, and what if we wind up lost and starving? All of that already happened. The worst has already fucking happened. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to get that scared about something that could be good.” Toni admits to Shelby. Vulnerability was never Toni’s strong suit, but she felt unsettlingly safe with the girl beside her.  _

_ Shelby smiles at Toni’s response, reaching her right hand up to cup the side of her face. Toni leans into her touch, reveling in the simple gesture.  _

_ Shelby leans in to place a soft kiss on Toni’s lips. Toni, needing more contact, brings her hand up to cradle Shelby’s face. _

_ The two girls stay like that, both stealing soft kisses until they hear a commotion below them on the beach.  _

_ They both glance down to see Rachel floating in the water, Nora racing out to get her.  _

_ Shelby and Toni jump up and run down the cliff, sprinting to the edge of the water. None of the other girls following them into the water; all are too frozen in fear.  _

_ Toni falters her step at the sight of the blood pooling where Rachel just went under the surface. She feels Shelby slide her hand down into her own, the blonde fingers moving between hers to clasp her hand tight. _

_ In the middle of chaos, Shelby’s small gesture can keep Toni’s nerves under control. _

Toni wakes up from her nap to the sound of the seat belt warning chime, reminding passengers to refasten their seatbelts. A few moments later, the pilot came over the intercom to inform passengers to remain in their seat with their seatbelts fastened as they flew through some mild turbulence. The plane began moving erratically ever so slightly but enough to increase Toni’s heart right, feeling panic begin to bubble up. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Toni breathes heavily.

Shelby turns around, much less discretely this time, to get a good look at Toni. She can see the trepidation in Toni’s eyes as they gloss over in fear. Shelby looks around; no one else seems to be bothered by the movements of the plane. Shelby reaches back, surprised when her hand quickly makes contact with the girl behind her.

Toni instantly clutches at the hand that is offered to her, softening her posture at the touch. Not many things still affect Toni after their “retreat, “ but apparently, flight turbulence does. 

The seat belt chimes alarm one more time, signifying that passengers can move about the cabin once again. Toni feels a faint but distinct squeeze to her hand before it retreats to its original position on the armrest. Her chest refuses to steady its heart rate as she stares longingly at the seat in front of her, immediately aching for the feeble contact that left her fingertips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and all your comments! We love reading them! The next chapter will be their first day and night in Hawaii.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! 
> 
> This is really just the fic we dreamed up and wanted to read so we wrote it ourselves. 
> 
> We will be posting what Shelby has been up to tomorrow and will continue to post at least every Friday, but will have some extra updates thrown in here and there!
> 
> Let us know what you think and thank you for reading!


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